The Barney Occupy Challenge

1 Dec

Originally I was against doing an entry on Occupy Wall Street because I don’t want to read bitchy pro OWS comments from people who take me seriously. But then I was challenged. And normally I turn down challenges because I am not risk taking unless it involves alcohol consumption. But what made me decide to accept this challenge was the person who challenged me…Barney. If you haven’t heard about Barney, go back to my first entry and read about him. In a nutshell, he is the most difficult person I’ve ever dealt with. But he’s also my friend. Anyways, Barney’s challenge was for me to list 10 things I hate about Occupy Boston. So I told Barney, “Barney, it’s on. It’s onner than on.” And it is.

  1. I was going to the Foo Fighters concert a few weeks ago, and decided I should pregame at my favorite saloon first. Unfortunately, my favorite saloon is right smack in the middle of the financial district, tent city. I don’t care what you want to protest, but leave my drinking schedule out of it. There was such bad traffic due to all the cop’s cars being parked on the street next to the tents that it took me an extra 20 minutes to get to the fucking bar.
  2. The first time I laid eyes on tent city, I thought, “Oh my God, protesters, wouldn’t it be fun to get them riled up?!” So I started beeping my horn and wildly flailing my arms out the window and screamed “I LOVE YOU!!!!”. And you know what happened? Nothing. They just sat in their lame tents. Buzz kill.
  3. This tent below has to be the sketchiest fucking doctor’s office I’ve ever seen. “Wake us up if you need us”…how about you do overnights like real doctors you assholes?! This community is not safe.
  4. Whenever I try to occupy the hood, I just get whistled at and sexually harassed. Can’t occupy this girl, boys. I’m taken.
  5. I’m with this guy…and there’s no fucking cake.
  6. The occupiers wear those creepy V for Vendetta masks. And those masks are made by a big corporation. And that’s stupid.
  7. Occupy Wall Street is bullying this millionaire. And I am not a supporter of bullying.
  8. Where do the protesters poo? When I walk around Boston drunk while I’m bandwagoning at sporting event championship parades, I can’t even find a McDonald’s to pee at. Do they have outhouses? I’ll bet they are also diehard environmentalists that poo on grass because they think it’s good for the soil. I don’t like people who do that because I think it’s gross.
  9. This library is ghetto.
  10. This guy is taking the Lord’s name in vane:

Okay, Barney…whether you like my list or not: I WIN.

DISCLAIMER: This is not that serious. Don’t leave dead serious OWS comments on my website. Especially if you are pro OWS and have no job.


5 Responses to “The Barney Occupy Challenge”

  1. katlyn December 2, 2011 at 3:51 am #

    I love you molly. I think this is the best ever! i Love this!!!!!!!

  2. Vanessa Bianca December 2, 2011 at 4:22 am #


    Oh wait, I’m a Republican, I forgot.

    But seriously, I’m anti OWS… so this is even more amazing to me. LMAO.

  3. Felicia December 2, 2011 at 5:02 am #

    # 3 – Hilarious! I wonder what kinds of drugs those doctors are prescribing?!?!
    #4 – I would just like to point out that on this guy’s sign he felt the need to write “(pound) occupy the hood” – Its a fucking sign not twitter – the world will not trend you.

  4. Anon December 2, 2011 at 7:29 am #

    For the last time they are Guy Fawkes masks.

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