Barney Revised by guest blogger Brian Carney

5 Dec

 Carney,”Barney” Revised By Brian Carney

As you may or may not have read in Mollywood’s previous entry she talks about her friend “Barney”. Well I’m “Barney”. Actually my name is Brian Carney, Molly thought she was so smart to combine the first letter of my first name and drop the first letter of my last name and combine the two to form “Barney”.Now you’re probably thinking I’m some big, purple dinosaur who hangs around with 5th graders in my spare time, or a yellow fat slob who burps for a living and falls off bar stools in Moe’s tavern.

Well, I’m not.You’re also probably thinking, does he really love Chinese food? Does he really talk in the third person and yell his own name? Does he really embrace political and cultural views to get a rise out of people? Did he really buy a velour track suit and try to pass it off as suede? Was he almost lit on fire behind a diner in the slums? Yes I am guilty of all these actions, to me I’m just your average normal 24 year old single white male. Molly also left out some things about me that I think you should all know, and also setting the story straight on who I really am.

I’m a lot like Tim Tebow, and for those of you who don’t know who Tim Tebow is hes an NFL quarterback. Hes also the leader of his church, a pro-life activist, saving himself for marriage and a proven winner in life on all levels.Now I may not be a leader of a church, hell I don’t even attend church unless there’s a wedding or a funeral in which case theres a chance of having beers after.

Also I’m more of a pro-choice kind of guy cause lets face it sometimes you have those drunken nights in which “plan-B” is the best option for both parties.

Saving myself for marriage? Are you shitting me? When I first realized how my male anatomy functioned the last thing on my mind was “saving myself”, it was more like someone should save the female population. So really the only thing me and Tim Tebow have in common are that we’re both left handed and can rally people around us to win. Winning to Tim and I are two different things, to me it’s getting everyone around me drunk as humanly possible and to Tim its beating the Dallas Cowboys 28-17 on Sundays, but regardless we rally the troops and get things done.  So after reading this you’ve probably came to the conclusion I’m some sort of lush, baby killing, ego maniac but I could give two shits about your opinion, all you need to know is that I win, win, win no matter what I do.

*DISCLAIMER: does not endorse all of the views of guest bloggers.


One Response to “Barney Revised by guest blogger Brian Carney”

  1. Vanessa Bianca December 5, 2011 at 9:17 pm #

    LMAO. Awesome. I wish I was funny enough to be a guest blogger. DAMMIT. 😦

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