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White Trash Encounter

9 Dec

So I woke up today in a great mood…it’s finally Friday. I walked to my car whistling, well, not really but for the purpose of this story, I was whistling. I turn my car on, I blast the heat because it’s fucking freezing, I put on the radio and Queen was playing. Today was a good day. I started to drive down my street and I noticed that there was a mini van pulling out from the section 8 house across the street from me. I thought to myself, “I haven’t donated much to the Salvation Army this season, I should let these poor people pull out before me”, so I slowed  to a stop right before the driveway.

The white trash girl glared at me from behind her staring wheel, her eyes wild with cracked out rage. She starts flailing her arms like a monkey from hell and repeatedly mouthing the word, “GO!”. I was completely thrown for a loop. I was doing this bitch a kindness by letting her pull out of the driveway and go before me, when I clearly had to be on time for work, whereas she was just heading to Dunkin Donuts to splurge on one bacon, egg and cheese to feast on with her baby daddy. Why was she mad at me?! Like any kind driver who has been wronged, I flipped my middle finger in the air at this deranged psychopath. She flipped her middle finger right back at me. Good one. Not. Couldn’t you be more original? So I continued my way up the street, shocked and appalled. I notice in the rear view that a van similar to this one is following me: This biatch was following me! Or maybe just going in the same direction as me, but for the sake of this story, she was following me. So I keep driving with this weirdo behind me, only now her boyfriend is in the car with her. I pull up to the first red light in front of the 7-11 in Wollaston. During my usual morning routine, I stop at this 7-11 for a Red Bull, but I look in my rear view and see this chick and her crazy boyfriend screaming at me from their car. I decide that I will stop at the Chinatown CVS near my work for my Red Bull instead because I’d like to keep all my teeth, thank you. So I continue waiting for the light to turn red as this insane trashy couple is screaming behind me. I could see this lady pointing at the light, and then it dawned on me that she is angry because I am not turning on red. Well, guess what Miss Batshit, there is a sign that says “No turn on red!”, and I know you like to get involved with the po-lice but I don’t! Actually, I almost always turn on red at this light, but spite would not allow me to do so on this day. So my foot remained on the break.This particular intersection has abnormally long red lights. So I sit there in my car, looking in the mirror at these animals behind me. I can’t help it, I start to laugh. And point. Because let me tell you something about white trash girls, pointing and laughing is the easiest and fastest way to get them riled up. So this chick starts opening her mini van door about 6 inches, and shutting it repeatedly and throwing her shoulders up as if she were saying, “You wanna go?!”. This only makes me laugh more. She is threatening me by opening and shutting her car door, but the point is that she is shutting it…which means she is not really going to act upon her threats. So I point in the mirror, laugh, point, and finally her boyfriend gets out of the car, some black guy who probably was forced out by this Aileen Wuornos look alike. So I lean over and lock my passenger side door as he approaches the window. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but he’s yelling. So I point and laugh more and open the window an inch and say, “NO TURN ON RED!”. Then the light turns green, and I take a right. The guy hustles back into his girlfriend’s mini van and they also take a right. Luckily, I lose them as I turn at Dunkin’ Donuts. They needed their breakfast, so they pull into Dunkin Donuts. I pray at this point that Dunkin’ Donuts fucks up their order and gives them a tuna sandwich, and they don’t realize it until they’re already back in their chilly apartment about to tune into Maury while they sit on their beach chairs. Everyone I told this story to this morning was concerned about my well being/my car’s well being, living across the street from this white trash and all. “Oh, Molly, you’re stupid. They’re going to light your car on fire while you sleep”, they said. There is no need to be concerned though, because I usually spend the weekend at my boyfriend’s place, which gives the white trash ample time to smoke some meth and forget about the incident/what my car and I look like. Not to mention the turnover rate of the section 8 house across the street from me is roughly a week.

The moral of this story is, if you encounter white trash, point and laugh at them. But only do so if you are behind a locked door. Also remember to put a nickel in the Salvation Army kettle to spare yourself the bad karma. And if the white trash happens to stumble upon your blog bashing them while they are perusing Facebook from their Metro PCS phone, send them this five word message: Have A Quincy Day, Bitch! Better yet, cross the Fore River bridge to Weymouth.

Happy Friday Everyone 🙂 XOXO~ Molly

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8 Responses to “White Trash Encounter”

  1. Mandie December 9, 2011 at 6:01 pm #

    Its disturbing how many times this happens to me! Mostly in Quincy & Rockland… This made me laugh so hard and appreciate this white-trash drama-free day im having so far. Good luck not getting stabbed

  2. Denise December 9, 2011 at 8:31 pm #

    I just found ur blog on Facebook my friend posted this and omg I wish my fricken blog was as funny as this! I died laughing. I’m a wicked road bitch and totally 110% would have done exactly what u did I love a good driving encounter lmaooooooo

    I’m going to go read more ur awesome…

    • M.McKenna December 9, 2011 at 8:35 pm #

      Thank you! I am glad you like it! Tell your friends 🙂 Do you blog on WordPress? If so, what is the name of it? I’ll follow 🙂

  3. shaina December 10, 2011 at 7:21 pm #

    You make me laugh through out my day reading your blogs.

    • M.McKenna December 10, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

      Thank you! I’m glad you enjoy it and see the humor in it. Rider Strong fans aren’t very pleased with me. (Yes, he still has fans.)

  4. M.K. December 12, 2011 at 5:38 pm #

    You are hysterical!

  5. Lauren December 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm #

    Well this doesn’t surprise me, typical day in the Q. Absolutely love this story though! Keep it up!

  6. Lindsay December 12, 2011 at 8:32 pm #

    You are hilarious and i totally love/agree with everything you have to say about Quincy 🙂
    thank you for making me laugh lolololol

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