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Quincy Boys

12 Dec

Every Quincy girl has at some point dated a Quincy boy. Do you have a friend who is in Quincy boy denial and thinks that because her boyfriend has moved from Quincy to the next town over, that she is not dating a Quincy boy? If you do, maybe you should sit her down with this checklist to prove to her that she is indeed dating a Quincy Boy.

  • He has a fresh fade: Is  Shawn’s or Gino’s open yet? Because your boyfriend is starting to look like a guido with that haircut and needs a #3 on top and #1 on the sides pronto. And don’t fuck it up because he even bought hair gel to go with his fresh cut.
  • He wears white on white sneakers: Your boyfriend is complaining that his sneakers are slightly disgusting and smelly from walking through the marsh during high tide last weekend. Maybe you should buy him his 8th pair of white on white shelltoes or Nikes for Christmas. Make sure you get the sneaker cleaner with it, because if you don’t, you ruined Christmas. And remember: he needs a new pair for summer, too (they are the best beach footwear).
  •  He wears a polo hat every day: Uh oh, your boyfriend made the mistake of letting his bro cut his hair and it looks like shit. He better cover that up with a polo hat every single day for the rest of his life. Get him a navy blue one so that he can express his individuality when he’s out with his boys.
  • He personally knows the ‘toughest kid in Quincy’: Don’t worry, if your boyfriend is scheduled for a fight, he is all set. You know why? Because the toughest kid in Quincy has his back and told him so. Thank God for drunken Quincy networking and ass kissing.
  • He sack whacks: Your boyfriend gives out sack whacks like it’s his second job (his first one is part time at Barry’s Deli or a gas station). But don’t call him a pussy because he knows the toughest kid in Quincy.
  • He wears cubic zirconias: Your boyfriend was wearing CZ’s before Jon Gosselin made them uncool. He’s a suburban gangsta/rebel without a cause. These studs were the most generous/hippest gift his Nana ever bought him. Hopefully he doesn’t lose one, they have sentimental value.
  • He has a Celtic cross tattoo: Your boyfriend is so Irish and needs to represent by tattooing it onto his body. His mom told you he’s actually only 1/16th Irish, the rest of him is Scottish and French but he told you to never talk about it or he will call the toughest kid in Quincy. 
  • He has an upcoming court date: You must love bad boys, because your boyfriend has a record. Yup, I saw his name in the Quincy Sun Hot Spots. He was arrested for underage drinking and possession back in 2004. Better make sure mom and dad don’t find out or he’s on their shit list for life.
  • He’s ready to throw down: What’s that? Some tool at the bar just called your boyfriend’s boy a pussy?! This bitch from Milton best be ready to fight in the Quincy Center parking lot, because it’s on…as a matter of fact, it’s onner than on! Your boyfriend and his boys have a loyal bromance, and they are ready to fight this punk ass who disrespected one of their own. Actually, he’s pretty drunk, let’s just make peace then get Wendy’s and go home. But don’t take Quincy Shore Drive, your mom is home listening to the police scanner and heard there’s a sobriety check point, so she and 5 other people warned you via text.
  • He’s a recovering _________(fill in the blank): Remember that time your boyfriend got addicted to the pills he was stealing from his grandfather? Well after his arrest he’s now on the long road to recovery and living the sober life. Except he still binge drinks and smokes every weekend, but that doesn’t count. You should be SO proud.
  • He proves that chivalry is NOT dead: Your boyfriend is one of the only boys in all of Quincy that piggybacks his girlfriend over the creek that leads to your favorite drinking location. He also is taking you to Ihop for breakfast. So romantic. If you play your cards right, maybe he’ll let you wear his silver chain.
  • He’s OFD or OFSB or OFC: Your boyfriend wants you and everyone in the world to know that he is originally from Dorchester, or Southie, or Charlestown. His dad is from one of these places and he lived there for the first 4 years of his life and if that doesn’t give him some street cred, then he might as well grow out his fade and become a hipster.

So there you have it. If your boyfriend displays 2 or more of these traits/behaviors/attire, then you just might be dating a Quincy boy. Sorry for your loss. But you know what? I’ve never dated a non-Quincy boy, so I hope they don’t take this as a diss. I love Quincy boys…and you do, too. Maybe one day they will grow up into wonderful, loving, caring, mature, Quincy men. But don’t get your hopes up.

PS: Love you R.K., you are none of the above and the rarest Quincy boy I have ever come across. Thanks for being a good sport.

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27 Responses to “Quincy Boys”

  1. Pat k December 12, 2011 at 5:27 pm #

    hate to break it to you molly but you are in fact dating a quincy boy. ryan does did rock the fade, is originally from dorchester, and is ready to throw down. he doesnt know the toughest guy in quincy because he is the toughest guy in quincy. and the exact shoes in those pictures are the very same that i have as a hand me down from your bf. hate to break it to you but hes as quincy as it gets… im sorry for your loss

    • M.McKenna December 12, 2011 at 5:30 pm #

      He’s going to threaten to kick your ass Pat. PS: Did you read the disclaimer at the end about Ryan?

  2. Katlyne December 12, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

    OFD unless they are Neck for life!!!

  3. jessie December 12, 2011 at 7:13 pm #

    i married one though luckily he never sported the polo hat or sheltos!! yucky yucky

    • jessie December 12, 2011 at 7:14 pm #

      he won me over with the carting my sorry ass through the marsh

  4. Morris December 12, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

    I need a makeover….

  5. Vanessa Scarnici December 12, 2011 at 9:49 pm #

    LMAO Weymouth boys are exactly the same, FYI.

  6. sister mary clarence December 12, 2011 at 10:35 pm #

    Except Weymouth boys unfortunately have to live over the Fore River Bridge.

    • M.McKenna December 12, 2011 at 10:37 pm #

      preach is sister mary clarence!

  7. Autumn King December 12, 2011 at 11:26 pm #

    love it…and it’s perfect except the cubic z’s…the up coming court date and the addiction parts don’t apply here…everything else dead on! =) And now I’m married to him!

    • M.McKenna December 12, 2011 at 11:33 pm #

      yeah, the drugs/court date ones aren’t true for my boyfriend either. haha, thanks for reading!

  8. Amy Galiano December 12, 2011 at 11:40 pm #

    You forgot clatah (sorry, not irish, wouldnt know spelling) rings. Almost all guys in Quincy have one and will turn it depending on their relationship status. FACT I could make a whole other list on this topic, but i will leave it to Molly to develop the sequel

    • M.McKenna December 12, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

      Haha, I did forget those! My boyfriend sports one haha…I also forgot jhorts. I’ll have to do some editing, or a sequel! Thanks for reading!

      • Sarah December 28, 2011 at 11:09 pm #

        Also the adidas rip away track pants. Perfectly paired with a nice polo sweater over a haines white tee, shelltoes, and a gold chain. Ad scally cap and you have yourself a comfy Quincy\ Southie\ Dot boy!

    • Sandi December 13, 2011 at 2:03 am #

      absolutely!! calladah rings!!! 🙂 those are tattooed too!! def big thing, i’m surprised i didnt see kangol hats here! no CZ from my era….maybe that’s a newer thing??

      • M.McKenna December 13, 2011 at 4:18 am #

        i wish i had remembered kangol hats…all for another blog i guess lol

  9. Claire Conway December 12, 2011 at 11:43 pm #

    Haha Bob has piggy backed me over the marsh numerous times to piney 🙂

  10. Jodi Mackie December 13, 2011 at 12:49 am #

    This is hilarious but so true in many ways

  11. Amy December 13, 2011 at 2:54 am #

    Wait! I have another…this was at least 1/2 of the Quincy guys I met but at one time or another they liked Mary J Blige..which don’t get me wrong, so don’t I and My fiance, whose a Dot Rat which would only thus prove the point of the OFD.

  12. Kel December 13, 2011 at 8:32 am #

    I would carry my quincy prince home from local out door party spots because he always had to get “hammerd” and out drink his freinds to prove he was the man and was legendary for making a complete ass of himself but to them its a pride thing who can drink the most lol

  13. Kel December 13, 2011 at 8:33 am #

    Also they all own thier quincy or north quincy lederman jacket and were it with pride and still wear it after being out of high school for years!

  14. Stephanie Nye December 13, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    you forgot about their fitteds always embroidered(sp?) with something.

  15. johnny mac December 13, 2011 at 11:15 pm #

    jeez moll,
    you started to describe me…OFD ..DOT RAT w a celtic tatoo on arm…moved to weymouth and summers in marshfield…i feel like quincys my new adopted home, u even spotted me,. at some quincy watering holes,shall i find a blue an white quincy presidents bumper sticker for my truck or go w no.quincy red raiders….confused in the city of presidents…..

  16. jahbo estebar December 14, 2011 at 8:10 am #

    you forgot to put that he’s on the i.b.e.w. apprenticeship waiting list–outside of that–dead on–so f’n funny-

  17. D. Barinade April 25, 2012 at 4:18 pm #

    lol. these are the kids i used to make fun of. I shave my head, never wear hats, black shoes dont scuff, theres ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS somebody tougher than you-the toughest kid in quincy lives in japan, fighting is a lost cause(not to be confused with self-defense), jewlery is for women, ‘bling-bling is a waste of money, OFD makes you look like a fag, never thought of piney as a good dating spot, IHOP IS TERRIBLE. i dont fall into this category, ive hated these types of kids since middle school.

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