A Very Quincy Christmas

26 Dec

I told myself and everyone who follows my Facebook page that I would take a break from writing over the next 4 days so I could get drunk and embarrass myself in front of family. But then I realized that I don’t get embarrassed in front of my family because they are drunk with me. So I might as well drink and embarrass myself on the internet. I just want to make sure that you guys have the Quincy-est holiday possible. And if you don’t remember how to do that, I’ll remind you.

  • Stock up: I  suppose it’s too late to tell you, since it’s 8:16pm on Christmas night…but I hope you stocked up on spirits early. If you didn’t, you had to learn the hard way that the packy is closed on Christmas day and i guess you are fucked.
  • Skip Mass: This year I’m boycotting church because my parish’s school got plowed down. And that’s the very building where I socialized and learned nothing about God every Sunday morning/Wednesday night up until confirmation  (hashtag CCD). Okay, I lied. I’m not boycotting, I’m just a heathen who sleeps late and hasn’t been to church SINCE confirmation. Tell your dad to tell Jesus you said “Hi”, and catch up on those Z’s!
  • Count your blessings: Be grateful you asshole, the Christmas parade is over with for another year. That means you can drive from your significant other’s place in Montclair to your house in the Wollaston flatlands without sparking too much road rage due to every single street near Hancock being blocked off. Thanks, J.C.!
  • Get caffeinated:I don’t know about your family, but my family can hold it down and we all drank a little bit too much on Christmas Eve. Nothing coffee can’t fix. Too bad there’s only one Dunkin Donuts open in Quincy, and you have to go on a quest to find out which one it is. I shouldn’t talk, I never went on that quest, I just took an Advil and downed the Red Bull I stocked up on the day before. Smart girl.
  • Be Pathetic: What is the most Quincy thing you can do on Christmas night? Get pathetic at Cathay Path..err…Pacific. I was planning on staying in after dinner at my boyfriend’s mom’s house. But then I went on Facebook on my phone and saw my friends Mess and Barney were promoting a night out at my favorite Cantonese & Polynesian Cocktail lounge via status. I can’t resist an Asian cuisine karaoke joint that looks like an Olive Garden with these statues greeting me: . …Speaking of which, I gotta go throw my Uggs on and get moving. Merry Christmas motherfuckers!



2 Responses to “A Very Quincy Christmas”

  1. Vanessa Scarnici December 26, 2011 at 6:14 pm #

    FYI, 3 Dunkies in Quincy are open on Christmas, and every other holiday, for future hungover reference.

    Franklin Street (which makes awful coffee, but if you’re truly hung over, you won’t care)

    Across from Crown Colony (which sucks trying to get into with the 3 million Asians trying to get on the highway and having no clue which way to go since they changed the highway entrances all around, so the safe bet is to drive down the street on the wrong side of the road, or in reverse)

    Quincy Ave (safe bet, but the line is always back into Braintree).

  2. Paulie D. January 12, 2016 at 3:19 pm #

    Do they still decorate Hancock Street in Quincy for Christmas with the signs and lights strung across the utility/elec poles, streetlights, and traffic lights? I haven’t lived in Quincy or Mass for over 20 years but I remember this as a kid and always was excited by it.

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