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I Google Weird Shit

6 Jan

Google brings out the inner weirdo in all of us. It gives us the answers to every creepy question we have ever had. And having this blog has taught me that I’m not alone in my Googling experiences. I can look at my website stats and find out what people are Googling to get to my blog (or things people are Googling NOT looking for my blog and just stumble on it whether they want to or not). Most of the search terms were along the lines of: “because molly says”, “quincy girl blog”, “who writes molly said so”, and different titles to some of my entries. But some of the random search terms that brought unknowing people to my blog were bizarre:

  • gross bangs
  • molly housewife like fucking
  • duty calls glazed over look (Google imaging this will bring you to my boyfriend’s picture)
  • quincy bar flies (my greatest feat thus far in life)
  • movie tupac plays mailman
  • why do i get pimples when it rains?
  • 40 oz ghetto
  • grandfather
  • tattoo ideas for my deceased grandfather
  • why gangsters love glocks?
  • molly cares quincy (I do?)
  • molly knows best (Damn right I do!)
  • you are a douche because i said so
  • rider strong adorable
  • stealing money from salvation army
  • cheerleaders goldfish
  • angry chinese men
  • quincy real housewives demise (don’t kill us!)
  • crystal meth
  • drunk disney princess
  • cons of being lazy (I hope to God that someone was looking for my blog and not actually Googling this)
  • doomsday preparation
  • velour wigger
  • deep fry
  • printable serenity prayer
  • do you lick your boyfriends ass?
  • baby forehead growth
  • white man haircut
  • i’m drunk and

…Like…what??? People Google the weirdest shit! I’m guilty of it myself. A friend of mine said she Googled “double chin exercises”, and I’ve been Googling it monthly ever since to find out if there’s a Brazilian miracle pill for destroying double chin-age yet (there’s not). Society’s fixation with Googling really shows just how stupid people are. For example, that person that Googled “Rider Strong adorable” is stupid. Rider Strong has not adorable since 1995ish, and that picture I posted of him doesn’t help his case. That person should have asked if Rider Strong is adorable, not Googled a statement as though he is adorable. Because it’s just simply not true. To anyone who disagrees with me: your opinion is wrong. And I have the answer to that question someone Googled asking why they get pimples when it rains. They get pimples when it rains because they eat shitty foods and don’t wash their face. They probably also get pimples when it’s not raining.

Sometimes Google makes me go on internet tangents. I’ll Google criminals that I read about in the Patriot Ledger to see if they are sex offenders/weirdos and what not. Then I’ll go to their Facebook in hopes that it’s not private (most white trash don’t use privacy settings). If it’s not private I will look for statuses on the after day of their arrest to see if they say, “Don’t call or text me, the Quincy po-lice got my zellular”, or “FML, got picked up today for microwaving my neighbor’s gerbil. Sigh. When it rains it pours”.

Googling can also get you into trouble sometimes. Like if you killed your daughter and then Googled chloroform. I Googled “Victoria’s Secret sales” at my old job once and the firewall popped up to alert me the website was blocked due to “Pornography” reasons. Oops, hope IT didn’t tell my boss I was perusing porn sites on the clock!  My BFFL *Messica was at work one day Googling Sex and the City quotes and when she answered the phone (she works at a real estate agency), she accidentally asked, “Sex and the City, how can I direct your call?”. The guy on the other end was like “um…transfer me to so and so” (so and so is Mess’s boss). So Mess made the transfer. A few minutes later her boss came out of his office and asked her if she was the Sex and the City girl. Awky.

Last week I unfortunately watched a Richard Gere movie, and began wondering if the Gere/gerbil rumor was true. So I Googled it and got some answers. If you don’t know what the gerbil rumor is, Google “Richard Gere gerbil incident”. Enjoy.

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2 Responses to “I Google Weird Shit”

  1. Vanessa Scarnici January 6, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

    I’m really sad I was left out of this list. LoL.

  2. Jess January 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm #

    hahaha I always facebook creep criminals from the ledger

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