Another Useless Thought with Shaun Maloof

11 Jan

Here’s something not many people know about me. I’d be an absolutely horrible firefighter. I’m not afraid of them or anything, even though my leg was once on fire, but that’s a different story. I’m just in awe of them really. Flames jumping around and shit.  The cackling sound and random popping noises that sounds like Orville Redenbacher is making Jiffypop. But the best part about fire is those blue flames. I love the blue flames. They’re fucking magical aren’t they? I could watch them all day. If there was a channel on TV devoted to just fire that’s all I’d watch. Anyways combine the noises and the flames and you have…!!!!

That’s why I can’t fight them. I love them too much. I’d get to a burning building and just immediately be in awe. I’d probably get fired because this is how the conversation would go:
Fire Chief: Maloof put out that fire!
Me: I can’t. It looks too cool man.
Fire chief: Dammit Maloof. There’s a family inside.
Me: Really?!? They must have an awesome view.
Instant pink slip right there.  Next time you’re gathered around a campfire or whatever just gaze into the center. It’s mesmerizing. The best part is you can always enhance your fire viewing experience with a variety of options. My personal favorite is gas. Some people will think I mean farts, but I don’t. However both work well. Wood, leaves, and pressurized cans also work great. So grab some beer, gather some friends, and enjoy a nice fire. And don’t forget to sit close and stare in the center for a great psychedelic experience. LSD ain’t got shit.

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