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Caillou Sucks

30 Jan

Everyone who has children, lives with a child, or babysits a child has probably heard of Caillou, and probably cringes at the sound of the show’s theme song. For those of you who do not know who Caillou is, he is a bald headed, 4 year old little bastard with no respect for authority or the rules. Caillou’s voice will go right through you. His mom and dad are the biggest pushovers to ever be drawn, who have never learned the word “no”, and who I assume are on an assortment of pharmaceuticals. God forbid if the writer’s of the show ever add drug addiction into the storyline when Caillou gets older, because his parents are the epitome of enabling. Caillou also has a little sister, Rosie, who is not much better than Caillou, but we can excuse her by saying she’s in the terrible two’s. Caillou does not like to share with Rosie, his besty Leo, or any one else. He lacks empathy and is the most selfish animated child I’ve laid eyes on since Angelica Pickles.

Why is the background of Caillou’s world all white? Are the creator’s of Caillou racist or just plain lazy? They probably use the white background to symbolize Caillou’s shitty moods. Maybe the sky is overcast before God hates Caillou. Or maybe Caillou’s world is white because he is in purgatory doing a terrible job of repenting his sins. Caillou tantrums in literally every single episode. And the elderly female narrator is sure to let you know what caused his tantrum: “Caillou did not want to go to the supermarket. Caillou was angry.” Well guess what, buddy? Life is full of disappointments and shit you don’t want to do. But you get out of bed in the morning, do what you have to do, and you shut the fuck up, because no one cares about your misfortunes in life. I understand that 4 year old’s are going to throw tantrums, but this kid has some serious behavioral issues that need to be addressed with some therapy or meds. He is setting himself up for a swirly or maybe even in awful waffle or 5 in junior high.ย Man up Caillou. Before Donkey Lips and Budnick make you man up.

Don’t talk shit to me about talking shit about a 4 year old cartoon character from PBS…or else…Awful waffle! Awful waffle! Awful waffle!

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8 Responses to “Caillou Sucks”

  1. marchand16 March 8, 2012 at 12:10 am #

    this is hilarious, (but you have no life) Well i have no life either because i was looking for an angry picture of caillou to put a caption under….”When Caillou is unhappy… Kittens die!”

  2. Michelle July 3, 2012 at 6:01 am #

    Wow. And, I always viewed Callou’s parents as patient, encouraging and loving people! As a child, I wasn’t fortunate enough to experience this type of parenting and grew up in a very dysfunctional home. Now, my two and a half year old son LOVES and watches Caillou religiously. I can only strive to be as good a mommy as Caillou’s mom is on the show.

    I hope that someday, you will be able to see the good in the show – especially if you continue to watch it.

    Take care. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Bear-ent September 21, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

      Oh no, I hope you are kidding.. Most of us grew up in dysfunctional homes, but it doesn’t logically follow that these parents are good just because they are so different from your own. Bad parenting comes in many forms.

      I can empathize with you in your desire to be a good parent despite any proper role models, but you will do your child a great disservice by trying to emulate the non-parenting that takes place on that horrible example of a show. The only helpful advice I gleaned from it was that if you parent like Caillou’s parents, your child will end up like Caillou.

      Fair warning, indeed.

      I’m glad your son likes it. Mine did too. Please do remember, however, that two year olds have notoriously bad taste (buggers? dog tongues?? Chef Boyardee???), and clearly the fact that it is likeable to them is the only reason this travesty of a show continues. You want to be a good mother? Emulate Mother Bear in the Little Bear series (hint: they also come in books! You can read them with your child for maximum supermother status!!). At least then, if the theory holds, you end up with a sweet Little Bear insted of a whiny, spoiled nightmare.

      Or…. perhaps just trust yourself enough to know that you have, at your disposal, a wonderful database of how not to be, lovingly gifted from your own parents ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Molly September 21, 2012 at 7:02 pm #

        Haha, I am totally kidding. This blog is mostly sarcasm and just random thoughts. Not serious. As for me, no children. Not yet at least. Lots of them in my life, but none are mine. I’m too young. Thanks for reading! Good way to look at the show.

    • Matthew December 13, 2014 at 1:43 am #

      I like my kids watching caillou. Both my daughters enjoy it. Also teaches them about different crafts things about gardening, trees, and how tantrums don’t get you what you want however a different view on how things need to be seen… Take for instance the parents arnt yelling and screaming at him however they continually try to instill manners.. He’s kind he tried helping out his friend who he thought was sick but only had diabeaties. And then found out later what truly meant to have it and what consisted of.. Caillou also tried finding his friends dinosaur when it was lost at the park and found it in the lost and found for him… However he does throw his drs but all kids do and the parents continually explain the good in everything and explain things very well… I give the show an 8-10 for kids shows plus I enjoy the songs they do…

  3. Liz September 21, 2012 at 5:00 am #

    Omg! I soooo agree! Caiyou or whatever the eff his name is, is a little whiney bitch! I see parents like his at the playground all the time! For the record-I am a very loving, warm and patient mamma with my baby boy. These obnoxious mom’s I see let their little brats get away with hell! Pushing my babe outta their way and making fun of other kids and being disrespectful to other adults…I never yell and am nothing but a softie myself but my son will not be raised to be a little entitled ass like so many other kids are these days. K thanks bye. Luv u Molly:)

  4. karen millen shops May 20, 2013 at 7:28 pm #

    Thank you for some other fantastic article. Where else may anybody get that kind of information in such an ideal approach of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I am at the look for such information.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Children’s Television Survival Guide: Sid the Science Kid | The Cult of Perfect Motherhood - September 12, 2013

    […] not as drunk as one has to be in order to enjoy Caillou. Which is to say, passed out. Because as everyone knows, Caillou is […]

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