A Male Stage 5 Clinger Story

1 Mar

Dear BecauseMollySaidSo,

My friends and I are big fans of your blog and find a lot of humor in it even though we’re from Milton and Milton kids are supposed to hate on Quincy and challenge them to fights on the 711 Parking Lot turf. However, like most Milton-ites, we have migrated to Southie (which really should just be renamed Southie-Shore) so we’re on neutral territory here.

I was reading your recent posts about horrific dating stories and about the guy who wants to know how to meet girls who aren’t batshit crazy…well I pose this same question to you: how do we find DUDES that aren’t batshit crazy? Seems like almost every guy I meet is one of 2 things 1) a raging, immature douche who hasn’t come to terms with the fact that adulthood has, in fact, arrived OR 2) a raging, immature creepshow who does not know a thing about wooing a lady.
Let me share my latest foray into the Southie dating scene..

About a month ago, I was out Sunday Fundaying at Stats with the rest of Southie, and I had my eye on a good-looking guy across the bar. Half of my friends encouraged me to go talk to him/send him a drink to get his attention, while the other half (the dudes, obvs) declared this was a terrible idea and that girls should never send a drink to a guy. I agreed with the latter. We asked our waitress to weigh in on this situation, and she says that she’s seen girls do this on multiple occasions and that it always works out- and what did I really have to lose? She sent the guy a shot of Jameson from us, and a few minutes later, the guy from across the bar comes over. I was beyond mortified that I had succumbed to this ridiculous act of peer pressure. To make a long story short, he was normal. (Well, as normal as a guy from New Hampshire can be, I guess). He was good-looking, went to college, played lacrosse, had a good job, and lived in Boston. He asked if he could have my number to maybe “go out for some drinks, sometime.” We exchanged numbers, and went our separate ways. I gave myself a little pat on the back- who knew you could meet a normal person at a bar by just putting yourself out there a little bit? I was pretty pleased with myself. My friends LOVED this. They immediately started doing that crazy-girl thing where they read way too much into a situation and start planning your wedding. “OMG- if you guys get married, this will be the BEST ‘how did you meet’ story!! OMG I love this!”…sigh. Girls.

A few weeks pass, during which he texts me every couple of days just to text-chat. I need to express how much I can not stand this shit. Guys have it so easy with technology these days. I am not interested in having a texting buddy. I already have friends to text. I would like to date you- or at least consider dating you. How about you just cut the shit, call me and ask me on a date? What is so hard about that? Like, why do you need to text me and ask what I’m up to at 8:48 pm on a Tuesday night? So annoying. I digress…

I’m starting to get really annoyed with this little texting game Guy From the Bar is playing here (I’ll refer to him as GFB from here on out), and decide to take it upon myself to ask when he plans on going out on this date with me. We finally find a night we are both free and plan to have our date. We decide on a Wednesday night (about 2 weeks ago), the night before I leave for my trip to visit friends in San Francisco. I knew it was probably not the best idea to go out on a date the night before I was traveling because I’d be stressed out packing and everything, but I just didn’t feel like prolonging this date anymore.

So, the day-of the date, I get a text from him asking if I’m still available to go out. He tells me he has a work event to go to from 5-7:30/8ish in Newton, and would I mind coming to the Chestnut Hill Mall to get dinner at 8 at Legal Seafoods since he would already be in Newton. Would I mind? Yes, but, do I feel like putting this date off any longer? No. I have a car, so I decide to accept this first-date offer and head to Legal’s in fucking Newton, even though I live in Southie and finding parking when I get back late is going to be a pain in the ass and I have to finish packing for California and I am the asshole that agreed to this date. Feeling anxious and annoyed, I head to Newton for my date with GFB. He arrives 20 minutes late, and then insists on sitting at the bar. RED FLAG #1 (side note: Guys, do not ever ask your date if she would prefer a table or the bar- no girl on a first date EVER wants to sit at the bar and you should just know this. Also, no girl will ever really tell you she doesn’t prefer to sit at the bar because she wants to appear easy-going and not get into a disagreement with you before the date has even started.) So, we sit at the bar, and the normal first-date convo starts. I quickly realize, he is the type of dude who likes to argue/debate with people simply for the sake of debate. Sorry, would you like to argue with me or be on a fucking date? RED FLAG #2 (side note: Guys, do not ask your dates stupid questions about the type of food they like, where they live, and sports they watch and then pick a fight over every answer we have. THE STUPIDITY.) As the date continues, I begin to get extremely annoyed with the fact that he is constantly on his phone responding to emails and texts and TWEETING about the Celtics game that I notice is on because in between the texting and tweeting, he is looking up at the bar television which is when I realize why he wanted to sit at the bar in the first place. RED FLAG #3 (side note: Guys, there is nothing more obnoxious and inconsiderate than being on your phone in any capacity while on a date, especially a first date. If you can’t give me your undivided attention for an hour, there is something wrong.) I have a strict no-phone policy for when I start dating someone in the beginning. I do not take my phone out ever unless the guy is in the bathroom. It’s just so rude. Anyway, the rest of the date went ok. I was considering giving him another shot at wow-ing me. I figured an almost-28-year-old guy had to have more wow-power up his sleeve, and that maybe this was just a weird night for both of us, in the middle of the work week and right before a vacation for me. I know, looking back now, I should have probably just left after he suggested we sit at the bar.

You’re probably wondering where the stage-5 clinger part comes in, because from the sound of this story, GFB sounds like guy option #1, and not #2. I, too, was confused by this.

Now I will convey the rest of this story through the texts we exchanged over the next 5 days, starting with the night of the date.

Me: Thanks again for dinner, I had a good time!
GFB: You did?
GFB: Me too

I clearly thought this was a sarcastic joke. I have never had a guy ask this question before. The next few texts exchanged were basically me laughing at this obvious sarcasm and him being confused about why I was laughing. Awkward.

GFB: I’m going to bed
GFB: Night you
Me: haha, goodnight
GFB: See you soon? Hopefully
Me: Ya sure, let’s catch up when I get back next week
GFB: Can’t wait
GFB: Are you sure
Me: Am I sure about hanging out with you again?
GFB: Yes
Me: Haha..uh ya, I’m sure

(Next day, while I wait at the airport to board my flight)
GFB: Safe travels

Over the next day and a half, GFB then proceeds to favorite every tweet I post, like every status I post on Facebook and every picture I post on Facebook, and even went back and stalked older pictures and randomly liked a photo from back in September of me and some friends in NYC that he has never met…uncomfortable. One night while out in San Fran, my friends and I come across a young hipster sporting some Muggs (Man Uggs=Muggs). I post a picture of this ridiculousness, and I get a text from GFB 2 minutes later. I should also mention that this was 10:30 pm West Coast time on a Friday, which makes it 1:30 am East Coast time for GFB.

GFB: Hey I have Uggs
Me: Do you wear skinny jeans with them? hahaha
GFB: Maybe
(Next morning)
GFB: How is California
Me: It’s really cool here, loving it
GFB: I bet

This sincerely annoyed me/weirded me out. Why did he feel it necessary to track my every move on my vacation and then also text me to ask how it was going? I didn’t even receive a text from my actual friends while I was on vacation! The creepfest continues…

(Day I leave California, after I post a Facebook status about flying home)
GFB: Safe travels darling
*I should note that I received this text after I landed in my connecting city, after being on a plane for 6 hours. I was running to my next flight to get home to Boston and did not respond. Upon landing in Boston, I called my parents, and roommate to let them know I was home safe and on my way back to my apartment. As I was in my cab back to Southie, I tweeted something about being back home on the East Coast and I receive this text from GFB 15 minutes later.
GFB: Guess you’re home safe says twitter! Thanks for the update

I was extremely annoyed/freaked out at this point. It is in no way a priority to text this dude back when I return from a trip. I am allowed to tweet something and not respond to your text right away. Texting me angrily about posting something to twitter rather than responding to your text is FUCKING CREEPY AND WEIRD.

An hour later, I responded.
Me: Hi, ya been unpacking and catching up with my roommate but ya home safe
(Next morning, 9 am)
GFB: Just giving you a hard time cause I sent you a text at like 10:30 am and never heard back! I’m glad you’re home safe though.
(4 hours later, after no response from me)
GFB: So how was the trip?
(an hour later)
Me: It was fun, SF is a weird city
GFB: Yeah it really is, how was the weather
Me: Good, didn’t rain at all
GFB: Well that’s good
GFB: Must have been nice to get away for a little bit
Me: Yep, great seeing my friends and a new place
GFB: That’s awesome
GFB: Well I’m glad you enjoyed yourself
(an hour later, 3pm)
GFB: When will I see you again?
Me: I don’t know, do I have to plan all our dates?
GFB: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(45 minutes later)
GFB: Well would you like to go out again if I asked you?
(20 minutes later)
Me: Haha maybe
GFB: Maybe?
(45 minutes later)
GFB: ?
(40 minutes later)
GFB: Well this is awkward
(2 hours later)
GFB: Ok well I will leave you alone then
(2 days later, he has unfollowed me on twitter and defriended me on Facebook, all without a single response from me)
GFB: Hey, don’t wanna be a pest but did I do something to offend you?
(3 hours later)
GFB: Solid communication

I have a few points to make here. Gentlemen, ladies appreciate a guy with confidence. Do not ask us if we would want to go out with you again if you asked us out, simply ASK US ON THE GODDAMN DATE and grow a pair! Also, instead of sending 54358934 texts asking about our vacation, before, during and afterwards, how about you just ask us if we’d like to get dinner on Friday and catch up? The social media stalking is something everyone has come to expect in this day and age, and I am no different than anyone else in this arena, but the difference between being normal and creepy is liking random old shit on someone’s page and then also texting them about something they posted immediately after they post it! My friend who fancies himself a texting rules expert calls this “cross-platforming” and this form of stalking is reserved only for close friends and family. My friends were all extremely weirded out by the series of events that occurred here, and both guys and girls in this situation advised me not to respond or engage in a conversation about why I was rejecting him for fear that he would show up at my apartment wielding a machete. I just could not believe that the douche I was on a date with was this same person on the other end of the phone acting like an insecure middle school girl.

I felt kind of bad for the way I let things end, but after going over the scenario with various friends, I came to the conclusion that if the roles were reversed here, GFB would have been cut off and deemed a “psycho, stage 5 clinger” long before my cut-off point with him. A guy would not feel bad about not responding to creepy incessant texts from a girl. So, in conclusion, I’m forcing to look at this from a guy’s perspective.


11 Responses to “A Male Stage 5 Clinger Story”

  1. Stephanie March 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    kinda entertaining story….thanks
    I’ve been on a shit load of dates and guys text like crazy and I know ALOT of girls that do to and it’s like they are afraid of the phone……NEXT TIME U BE THE ONE WITH THE BALLS AND SAY “LETS TALK ON THE DAMN PHONE HAHAA!!!” it’s not his responsibility or a clue….since most men are clueless

  2. Richard Struh March 1, 2012 at 7:28 pm #

    tl dr

  3. diane March 1, 2012 at 7:38 pm #

    i wouldn’t take this girl’s dating advice….most girls like when guys text them during the day. clearly this girl was just an exception. or just a raging bitch…i can see where he became annoying at the end but seems to me like you lead him on

    • DJ MC March 1, 2012 at 8:28 pm #

      Lol at what pt did she lead him on? Id argue her only mistake was actually texting him saying she had a nice time. I have a strict no facebook/twitter friending/following until 2nd/3rd date tho for the above reasons.

      Altho this is the guy wondering how to meet a normal chick, so maybe my methods are flawed. Goin to start a dating service where a team of specilized men and women interview and background check potential canidates for crazyness/creepyness before you are allowed to join. will be the same price as match, but guarentee you the ppl you meet will be wired somewhat normally, and not need someone of the opposite sex to value their worth as a human being

  4. Diane March 1, 2012 at 8:52 pm #

    She lead him on because she proceeded to talk to him after she clearly didnt have a good time. If a guy didn’t text me after a date I would probably be offended. I can definately see where the guy was annoying in this situation but this girl also seems like an uptight bitch

    • DJ MC March 1, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

      I think she made it clear she was willing to give him one more chance. Again maybe thats too optomistic, in my opinion it is, but a girl showing interest doesnt green light multi platform levels of stalking and multiple texts. Leave em wantin more. The dinner when she got back move is totally the right play here.

      • DJ MC March 1, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

        Then again phone on a first date? Leave that shit in the car man

  5. Katie March 1, 2012 at 9:45 pm #

    I absolutely do not think SHE was the crazy one…. it was clearly him! There is such thing as giving someone a second chance, and I believe that was her intention initially. He may not have done all of the right things on the first date, but by her saying she had a good time doesn’t mean she was lying. His over aggressive texting is what killed it! It is such a turn off when someone texts, and texts and texts…. if I wanted to answer, I would’ve after the first one! She could’ve been busy at the time he texted, or BUSY VACATIONING…. he’s not her boyfriend, nor does she really even KNOW this kid, so he shouldn’t have been checking in on her like that. Obsessive much? I’d say so. I see a control freak already…F THAT. It’s totally creepy to check statuses, on any social media outlet, text about it like you know that person (when you don’t), and expect a prompt answer…. nevermind pretty much DEMAND an answer at all.

    I’m with her on this one. I would’ve RUN from this kid. She’s nicer than I am, I would’ve completely told this kid to screw from the beginning…. and I’m totally not a bitch….everyone gets a chance. Definitely not in this case.

    • DJ MC March 1, 2012 at 10:00 pm #

      lol well yeah i wanted to say all that but i was trying to be understanding of a more sympathetic figure than I myself am. This dude has sociopath written all over him.

      For the last time, when will people understand than in 2012, with iPhones, Droids, and Blackberrys everywhere, that if you text someone or call them 1x, they will see it, and respond to it when they can? Multiple texts or the “?” from people makes me want to scream

  6. Thewhaler (@TheWhaler) March 8, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    really glad I already have a boyfriend reading this, I never want to have to go back into the dating world. Late 20s I feel like it only gets worse D:

  7. Janice August 29, 2014 at 2:22 am #

    Did I miss something here?? He is 28 yrs old?
    So obviously you are young also- you sound it
    He was eager because he liked you – nothing
    wrong here with him.
    You; are overly critical, overly judgemental and
    Need to chill out before you continue to date.
    Red Flag!, no man likes an uptight stick up
    stick up her a$& female.

    And yes, this is you dilussional one- your not easy
    Going. And btw, my family are from Mass and
    “Southies” Have NEVER called where they live
    Southie – & it took me a second to realize what
    You were taking about – a gang of uptight
    Oh I need to start writing a blog for inept girls…

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