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How to Meet a Girl (Who Isn’t Batshit Crazy)

1 Mar

Yesterday a fellow in his 20’s asked me the following question:

“How do I meet a girl who I wanna do more than get to know in the biblical sense, that has her shit together and isn’t bat shit crazy? For the record, I’m not hideous and I’m moderately successful/normal. And I’ve tried match.com, eharmony and good old fashioned meeting people in person. In return I’ve gotten psychopaths, clingy women, and girls looking to just get it in.”

Here’s my answer:

As a bat shit psychopath who doesn’t really have my shit together, I feel completely qualified to answer this question. Women are evolving in the sense that not every single one of us wants a relationship right away. Some women want to be successful in their careers and have fun without strings attached. It’s also becoming more acceptable in society for women to behave like men in the “getting it in” sense. This obviously makes it harder to meet someone who wants what you want at the same time as you. Play hard to get. It’s so frustrating for girls to deal with a guy playing hard to get, but it definitely works. Continue trying on match.com and eharmony, because I’ve seen it work, just don’t rely solely on dating websites. And stay the fuck away from plentyoffish.com because it never works and is creepy. You can meet girls at bars, despite what people tell you, just don’t go about it creepily by staring and grinding up on her. Just approach her and make sure your body language doesn’t scream, “I have Rohypnol in my pocket!”. And don’t try to take her home from the bar if you want to meet someone seriously. Give her your number and don’t give her the chance to reject you, just walk away and let her think/wonder. No matter how great things are going with a girl do not send her constant texts/voicemails and do not use Emoticons. Play it cool. This goes both ways. If she’s always texting you and calling you, then she’s probably a stage 5 clinger. As for finding a girl who isn’t crazy, use your dog-dar. You might not have dog-dar. This is where you girl friends come in. Ask them to hang out with you and the chick you’re seeing. Unless your girl friend has a serious crush on you, you should get a pretty good opinion of whether the girl you are seeing is bat shit bananas or not. You can also tell if someone is crazy just by the way they speak to you and behave. If she’s always getting falling down drunk and bitching at you before you are even committed, then you guessed it, she’s probably a little one flew over the cuckoo’s nest. If she talks about 1) Fist fights 2) Getting coke on work nights 3) Germantown Pride 4) Her love for Metro PCS or Boost Mobile 5) Her love of Wet Seal, then she’s ripping white trash. Bail. Does she request Olive Garden as a first date? She probably has self esteem issues that could manifest into deep insanity. Also,  look at her relationships with people, namely her friendships. Does she have no girlfriends? If not, that’s a problem. She might make herself sound like the victim of bad friendships, but when a girl has NO friends, it means either 1) She’s a backstabbing whore 2) She’s a sociopath 3) She’s super annoying. If your guy friends don’t like her, she’s probably a complete bitch and you should bail before getting into it further. Now that you know what to look for, keep trying and don’t settle. But be open-minded. If she gives off signs that shes crazy from the start, bail before you get in too deep. Good luck and God speed.

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3 Responses to “How to Meet a Girl (Who Isn’t Batshit Crazy)”

  1. paperdollboston March 1, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    So despite what you might think of your own advice…that is actually very well put! Nice!

  2. BeesKnees March 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

    I couldn’t fucking agree more. There should be an app for that – A check list, if you will … and if someone fails the check list, they should be branded as a “bat shit crazy bird”, and any other potential suitors will be notified immediately upon their attempt to “check list” her themselves …

  3. Thewhaler (@TheWhaler) March 1, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

    “It’s also becoming more acceptable in society for women to behave like men in the “getting it in” sense.”

    I love how nicely you put this

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