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If You Give A Bum A Mini Muffin

5 Mar

A children’s book dedicated to all the bums I walk by when I walk from Downtown Crossing to Chinatown every day of my fucking life.

If You Give A Bum A Muffin

If you give a bum a mini muffin…

He’s going to look at you with a blank stare. If he looks at you with a blank stare, it means he didn’t want the goddamn muffin.If he didn’t want the goddamn muffin, it means he wants your money instead. If you tell him you have no change to spare, he won’t bless you and though you’ll be disgusted, you’ll move on with your life.If you give him some of your spare change, all proceeds will go towards booze, drugs, and hookers. If you give him spare change even just once, he’ll ask for more the next day.If he asks for more the next, and you give it to him, he still won’t say thank you. And he won’t accept a mini muffin as a substitute. If he won’t accept your mini muffin, and doesn’t bless you or express gratitude for giving him change, you will lose faith in humanity.

FIN.

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2 Responses to “If You Give A Bum A Mini Muffin”

  1. Mcdonuts March 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm #

    Why give him anything other then a bottle of 99c cheap ass mouth wash where hopefully he will do the world a favor and drown in the Charles river with his Hep C and old torn Nomaaahhhh jersey from bobs 12 years ago when he wasn’t fucking homeless because he did what we all do and walk to fucking work or drive or I dunno take his fucking white horse and go to the working castle I don’t give a fuck but give him the bottle of mouth wash and point him to the pike or the Charles

  2. Mcdonuts March 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

    Because. I want the mini muffin…

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