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Sex & The City of Quincy

2 Apr

I love, love, LOVE when people ask me for relationship advice because it makes me feel like a less fashionable, broker version of Carrie Bradshaw who has no business doling out advice. Today I found a message in my Facebook inbox from a dude who needs a little help deciding what his next move will be:

Need girls advice. Best friend of 4 years (insanely hot female) and I decided to have sex last night. I slept there and we had breakfast. I’ve never not known the next logical step to do with a girl. I broke out of the friend zone without knowing I wanted to or that I was even in the FZ to begin with. We texted a bit back and forth without mention of the event. She sent the first text, about a show we both watch. Idk what I want to be honest, never looked at her like that, but alcohol is a mothafucka. Get me advice. Happy Monday!

Sounds like your Sunday Funday went out with a bang. Pun intended. Laugh. Good job on complicating your friendship you drunk slob, because unless both parties feelings are mutual, things are going to get weird. Don’t worry, I’ve been there and have been dating my best friend for almost 3 years now. We crossed the friendship boundaries after being close all through high school, I fell for him, he didn’t know if he wanted a relationship just yet due to being a man child, I was devastated, he smartened up, and now his balls are in a vice located in my Honda’s dashboard and he asked me to print out the kind of diamonds I like. Billy Crystal was right when he said that men and women can’t be close friends without the sex thing getting in the way at some point (readers, is this true?). So anyways,  there are two important questions that you need to answer:

1. Do you want anything to happen with this chick, or do you think you made a drunken mistake? I don’t even think you would have asked for advice if you didn’t at least like this chick a little bit. If you want something to happen, then you need to figure out if the feeling is mutual. I think the fact that you ate breakfast together afterwards is a good sign, and shows a level of comfort. Let’s be honest, if you thought last night was a mistake, you probably would have gotten the fuck out of there as soon as you opened your eyes and your headache reminded you of what you had done. And you must have thought about her in this way at some point, you mentioned how attractive she is. I don’t think you should let what happened go without mention, that might make her feel used, not to mention you’ll both be confused. Crack a joke about it to open the floor for discussion, see how she reacts, and go from there. If you don’t want anything more than a friendship, and this was just a one time thing, you probably want things to go back to normal. In this case acknowledge what happened, then be up front with her in a nice way. Don’t avoid the subject because then she won’t know how you feel and it will ruin your friendship and she will think you’re a dick. By crossing this line in the first place, you might have already ruined this friendship depending on how you both feel. But maybe you both aren’t interested in anything more and you can carry on being friends. Realistically, you’ve complicated your friendship by adding sex to it, and if you aren’t on the same page, someone will end up hurt. If what happened last night happens again, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with her because you are obviously more than friends. That needs to be addressed when and if you have a repeat of last night.

2. Does she want something more with you? You might not know the answer to that, but read the signs (is she always texting, calling, talking to mostly you while you guys are out with a group, etc.). Don’t be naive, if someone is spending a lot of time trying to spend time with you, that probably means they are into you. Girls can be kind of tricky to read because we are all pretty fucking crazy, but in general, you should be able to tell if she is into you. If she starts to become a stage 5 clinger, it means she likes you, but if you don’t like her, your friendship is doomed. If she starts getting bitchy with you when you mention other females, your friendship is doomed. Unless you are the type to play mind games to get girls jealous. In which case you are a dick who probably shouldn’t get into a relationship anyways…

My point is: figure out how you feel, figure out how she feels, then go from there. If it’s mutual, great. Things can either go back to normal or you can be as happy as when Harry met Sally. If it’s not mutual, then congratulations on letting your drunken mistake destroy a friendship of 4 years! Either way, things will never be completely the same. Good luck!

Readers: Am I right, or am I right?

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5 Responses to “Sex & The City of Quincy”

  1. Ginger April 2, 2012 at 5:04 pm #

    Best answer to the most awkward situation! You really are good at giving advice, esp. to strangers because you dont sugar coat anything!

  2. JenO April 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

    Seems like sound advice to me!

  3. Nicole November 27, 2013 at 11:15 pm #

    I wish we knew how this ended up.

    • Molly November 27, 2013 at 11:21 pm #

      Nicole: they’ve been in a relationship for like a year now 🙂

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