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Cat People

3 Apr


Three people from New York were charged with cat hoarding/animal neglect at a trailer park in upstate New York the other day. Inside their small trailer 134 cats and kittens were confiscated and sent to a shelter, about 19 sick kitties were euthanized. What. The.Fuck. I never understand animal hoarding. I love animals, but what person in their right mind would want to share a trailer with 134 fucking cats? Bogus. I mean, these people obviously are not in their right minds. Look at them. Dead behind their googly eyes. I feel like I can smell the urine just thinking about it. I don’t understand animal hoarding. These people always say they are “rescuing” these animals, but when animal control gets involved there are carcasses under the sofas and skeletons in the closets. Like, you are not saving cats, you are killing them and sleeping in their piss. Your home is an ammonia soaked death trap that it straight out of my nightmares.

What I’m about to say might offend you cat lovers out there, but fuck it: cats suck. They walk around like their piss don’t stank, and are just egocentric little bastards who scratch the shit out of everything. You can’t take them out for a walk without looking like a complete weirdo, and they are insanely boring. Please don’t leave me comments about how awesome your cat is. Your cat doesn’t cuddle with you when you are crying, you’re a liar. Cat lover’s are always saying how much smarter cats are than dogs. Well, that’s all fine and good, but remember that cats hate you. They want to be left alone to do their cat thing. The worst thing ever is going to a long-haired cat lover’s house. I’m allergic to cats, so I walk in and I sit on the couch, and my eyes burn and my pants get fur all over them. How do these people take couch naps? They don’t. Unless they are dust busting every day. Then you go into their bathroom and there’s a litter box in it. And you have to look at cat poo while you pee. One of my best friend’s family has a big, fat cat named Gumdrop. Gumma for short. The oxymoron with cats are the cute and cuddly names. This thing scares the shit out of me. I would sleep over her house in high school, and if I had to pee in the middle of the night, I would try to walk up the stairs and it would hiss menacingly in the dark. The only thing I could see were the greenish-yellow eyes, glaring at me. Chuckie had nothing on this evil bastard. And these crazy assholes from the New York trailer park had 134 of these animals. How did they fit? Do they just fornicate all over the place while you’re trying to watch Maury? One thing is for sure, the easiest trick to dieting is to watch an episode of Animal Hoarders while you are sitting down for a meal. Nothing screams, “In the mood for a chicken pot pie” like 49 dirty, sick cats scurrying around the ammonia infested, cat poop pantry. Bogus.

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2 Responses to “Cat People”

  1. Stephanie April 3, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

    I f’n hate when you go to a house with cats and there is always that one perv cat that rubs its ass on your legs around and around it goes……and u can’t kick it to go away until your friend or family member leaves the room….

    Or how about sayin you’ll watch someones house for a week and water the plants and get the mail and feed the cats………but that also means empty the shit box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. quietthoughtssteph April 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

    I am also allergic to cats!!! Hate the shit out of them! They are completely useless and I’m sick of having to be nice to people about their dumb ass cat too, like I have to pretend that the cat is cool cuz they are fucking idiots and are in love with their ugly fur ball. Ok kittens are cute, but so are babies (I have 2 kids) and they all grow up and become a pain in the ass. I can’t stand going to that house where the cat jumps from counter to counter couch to chair.. U get the point but you spend the whole time watching to make sure their spazzed out cat doesn’t maul your face like the lady with her friends chimp! Cats yes, they suck. They suck big donkey balls… I’d rather have a donkey with big ugly balls.

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