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‘Fuck You’s’ of the Week!

4 Apr

My boyfriend has been asking me to do a weekly piece called “Fuck You of the Week” for quite some time now. I guess I’ll start listening to him and try it out. I have a few fuck you’s to shout out today. Here they are:

  • Fuck you Samantha Brick! This smug bitch wrote an article for the Daily Mail about the downsides to being overly pretty. She is a self proclaimed “good-looking woman” who recounts the numerous times she’s received a free bottle of bubbly due to being a tall, slim, blonde. So what are the “downside of being pretty” she writes about? Well, she has lost many female friends because they allegedly felt “threatened” when their husbands spoke to Miss Brick. She’s also lost out on job promotions because she’s had insecure bosses who were bitter that Miss Brick was skinny. Her neighbor doesn’t wave back to her because as Miss Brick puts it, she feels threatened being shorter and heavier. She argues that she is not smug in her article, but, um…what? You wrote a fucking article for the Daily Mail about how difficult your life is being “too pretty”! She has since written a rebuttal to all of the hate mail she’s received since yesterday. Miss Brick doesn’t understand the backlash caused by acknowledging how good-looking she is, especially by highly intellectual females in the media. Alright, enough. You are getting backlash not because of your high self esteem, Samantha Brick. You are getting backlash because you are a smug, self-righteous, stuck-up, egotistical, moron who should hop on a plane and ride coach (God forbid!) all the way to a third world country where women are more worried about being stoned to death for challenging their husbands, raped, or mutilated than about how much it sucks to get a free bottle of wine because they are too good-looking for their own good. So fuck you Samantha Brick! You are an idiot. Maybe that’s why you lost your female friends. Shiiiit! 
  • Fuck you, T!: I usually try to defend the T, but fare increase and service cuts to get rid of the deficit? Fuck you, MBTA! Come up with another plan. You should be paying ME to ride that stanky, creep- infested locomotive! So if this proposal passes, the subway fee will rise to $2.00. I’m not cheap. But that means to take the train to Chinatown every day I will be paying $5.00 to park at Wollaston (I assume parking fees will be increased as well?), $2 to get to work, and $2 to get home. I might as well just spare myself the stink of life twice a day, throw in a couple more bucks and spring for parking near my work. God knows how much happier I am in the comfort of my leased Honda Civic in the morning compared to being squished between a fat dude’s arm pit and an exhibitionist’s morning wood. Fuck you, MBTA.

  • Fuck You Alicia Silverstone!: You are Cher, you can afford real baby food. You can even afford to give your baby the vegan food you preach about every 5 seconds. So why did you have to publish this Youtube video of yourself regurgitating into your baby’s mouth? It made me feel queasy and therefore I could not enjoy the delicious burrito I had gotten for lunch. Bogus. Fuck you Alicia Silverstone. You used to just be virgin who couldn’t drive. Now you’re a sick virgin who couldn’t drive. As if!

Do you guys have a fuck you shout out for the week? Post it on my Facebook page this coming Friday for ‘Fuck you Friday’!

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One Response to “‘Fuck You’s’ of the Week!”

  1. Stephanie April 4, 2012 at 4:21 pm #

    BRILLIANT!!!!!
    A WEEKLY FUCK YOU, I THINK YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!!!

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