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Lessons Learned From 90’s Sitcoms

5 Apr

Thank God for 90’s sitcoms. Without them I wouldn’t have learned basic life lessons, like these:

1. Make sure your floor is not made out of cardboard or styrofoam. Even if you’re not fat, falling through the ceiling will cause an eating disorder. Carol Seaver learned that the hard way.

2. Don’t forget to take the garbage out. Dad will get really mad. Also: don’t trust Stephanie.

3. Don’t get too excited. You might get addicted to caffeine pills.

4. Don’t listen to reggae in front of Bill Cosby. It will make him bitter at African American youth culture for years to come.

5. Use reverse psychology on bullies. Then get punched in the face. By a girl.

6. Don’t fuck with Ryder Strong. He’s really emotional. I would know. I fucked with him and he called me a mean psychopath.  (PS: Who the fuck makes videos like this?!)

7. Don’t take downers. You’ll start to sound like Miriam Patacki.

8. Don’t confront gingers who are peeing on your shitbox.

9. Don’t dance next to Ricky, he’ll only make you look like a kracka who can’t dance.

10. Always fight the power.

11. Don’t hide your pot in the gazebo. Hide it in the shed, so it doesn’t get wet.

12. Don’t be a bitch.

13. If you know someone is packing heat, tell Palumbo.

14. Don’t be a scrub.

15. Fast forward to 2:20. Don’t hide in the fridge.

16. Bring a map.

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2 Responses to “Lessons Learned From 90’s Sitcoms”

  1. JSull April 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

    I enjoy all of your posts Molly, but this is where i draw the line. I will not let you disgrace Dawson Leery like this. He just made the hardest decision of his life, by letting Joey Potter go, and it was supperb acting by the beek. Not cool molly, not cool. Thats my response cause Sullysaidso….you see what i did there, clever right. Keep up the hillarious blogs

    • M.McKenna April 9, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

      It was a heart wrenching episode. But I was always a Pacey fan. Hahaha thanks JSull!

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