Nice Days

17 Apr

It’s going to be  another fabulously nice day in Boston, and that makes absolutely no difference to me since I’m indoors all day in Chinatown. But I’m sure I’ll get weather updates every time I log into Facebook. Because it is this kind of nice day that gives people the insanely annoying urge to whip out their camera phones and snap a picture of temperature readings in their cars. Thanks for that everyone, but I think your thermostat might be broken, because the first 17 temperature uploads I saw in the last 20 seconds said it is 84 degrees, and yours says 83. Thanks for the weather updates regardless though, Harvey Leonard. Maybe you should stick to keeping your eyes on the road.

I can’t complain too much about being stuck inside today. I had a bad ass 3 day weekend in New York City, where the weather was just as nice. Not a single fuck was given…except for when I was driving through Harlem on a tourist bus and about 5 Mr. Softee trucks drove by. Because, you know, that statistic about the amount of ice cream eaten having a strong correlation with violent crime rates. In case you’re are poorly educated and don’t understand what ice cream consumption has to do with violent crime rates, consider this: warm weather can make for shorter tempers. Warm weather also means more ice cream. But ice cream consumption does not cause crime. Correlation does not fucking imply causation. Psych 101. Either way, I couldn’t fully enjoy the Apollo theater with all these kids running around with chip-wiches, and Flintstone Push Up’s. I didn’t want to get caught up in a drive by with a rival tour bus.

One thing about nice days I don’t really understand is how the fuck everyone gets to enjoy them on weekdays. Doesn’t anyone have a job? I know the economy sucks but Jeeeez! Everyone puts up these statuses and tweets saying, “Getting a coffee then laying out!”, “Sully’s on this gorgeous day!”, “First beach day of the season!”. Um. Are you unemployed? Because it’s always the same people who write these statuses. And they barely ever say they are going to the Marina for a drink, because that’s where a smart person would be: at some sort of a marina in any city. Instead they choose to be frugal and are laying out in their Quincy Point backyard on a beach chair listening to the Back In The Day Buffet at noon. Uploading pictures of their sunburned legs from their Metro PCS phones. Just all around not giving a fahk. Who needs a job when you can be enjoying every single nice day that comes their way. No matter who else is working on nice days, social media always makes me feel like I am the only shmuck in the world who is sitting behind a desk all day.

But when those nice days happen to occur on a weekend…the only thing I can say is that the beautiful weather sure makes me believe in God/want to get drunk.


One Response to “Nice Days”

  1. Tony April 17, 2012 at 4:11 pm #

    My only question is why do you hate Metro pcs? Im stuck at work also and reading this on my Metro pcs phone, which is awesome so screw you and your fancy phone plane and enjoy the day. 🙂

    I would give you a weather update but my shitty phone said the weather is currently unavailable

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