1am Craigs List Rant

3 Aug

So I woke up this morning to an inbox full of messages from a friend of mine who gives me amazing blog ideas all the time. Same friend who inspired me to write that entry about The Cliffhanger on route 3A’s outdoor patio. Anyways, my friend was drunk off of boxed wine around 1am and had some hilarious things to say about some ads on Craigslist. I was told to edit it and make it my own but I just couldn’t because I love the commentary so much and feel it’s just better if I post it exactly as I found it in my Facebook message inbox. Enjoy my copy and paste job below.

just had a blog idea as i was looking for apts on craigslist

what if u do a blog about the random sections of craigslist like

the “haiku” section

who the fuck is sitting there logging into their computer and being like

oh i wanna write a fucking haiku 5-7-5 syllable poem

get. a. grip.

and seriously lady….

i dont think you’re going to get any takers in the boston area who are going to rock this in public unless they were going on a gay drag cruise straight to provincetown:


lets not forget

the missed connections.

because whoever is gay and looking for a piece of ass should look no further than the walmart in CHELMSFORD massachusetts



you think this guy is going to remember what you walked out with? idk maybe some 2for1 irish spring body wash, a 5 pack of frozen digorno pizza? what the hell do you buy at walmart besides back to school supplies?


lets see. what else.

im glad your not online bc im 1 glass of merlot deep and feelin buzzed

i get nervous with these quotation marks in this one:

and then realizes he has no true experience in putting together an ad or knowing how to separate ideas in what us folk call “paragraphs”

and just because you watch doctor oz doesn’t mean im going to fucking trust you to holistically heal my body by eating a fucking flax seed and eggplant shake

…for all the buildings im currently building, thank god we have this guy:


and the whole ‘free’ section of craiglist creeps me out

like why do you want to take the time to take a photo of something as mundane as sheets and then upload that photo onto your computer, log onto the internet, post an ad on craigslist and sit and wait for responses for some creepo to come by and take these off your hands when all u need to do is take your sheets to a bin and drop it off or bring it to a salvation army…oorrrr just throw it away.

im sorry

and if desperaate times call for desperate measures so much so that youre getting your BABY FORMULA off craigslist…..we have a problem:

and i most certaintly dont trust a used ‘my breast friend’ boob breast feedin pillow…



i digress

…I love my friends.


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