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Taylor Swift…I Don’t Get It.

14 Aug

What’s with the Taylor Swift hype? I mean, help me out here. I just don’t get it. Yeah, girls got some pipes. But everything about her is the most boring thing in the world. She looks boring. She dresses boring. She writes boring songs. She is just the most boring thing on the scene. Everyone in the world can break down the science to her success:

Step 1: Dates a JoBro.

Step 2: Breaks up.

Step 3: Writes break up song.

Step 4: Dates John Mayer

Step 5: Breaks up.

Step 6: Writes break up song.

Step 7: Dates Jake Gyllenhaal.

Step 8: Breaks up.

Step 9: Gets coffee with Reese Witherspoon.

Step 10: Dates Kennedy.

Hmmm, can anyone guess what Step 11 is?! Breaks up? Writes a song about loving a Kennedy, only she uses a top secret alias like “Romeo” instead of giving away Prince Charming’s real name? Probably. I mean, maybe she’ll throw us for a loop and marry a Kennedy. Either way, the outcome is boring. I guess it might get a little exciting 20 years from now when said Kennedy kills her then has his people (and by “his people” I mean the rest of the Kennedy’s) do this massive cover up and the Kennedy conspiracy theory cycle will cycle on.

I know moms out there reading this are all like, “Well I think it’s refreshing to have a Hollywood starlet who isn’t on meth and is a good role model for my daughter! Maybe you’re just jealous!”. Well, um, yeah…no kidding. I’m super jealous! I’m SUPER boring and I didn’t drop a cool 5 million this week on a house in Hyannis just to be closer to my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I live in an apartment off Newport Ave and think moving in was the most exciting thing to happen since Kanye interrupting T. Swift at whatever awards show that was. I mean, really! I want to be paid for being boring. Give me an acoustic guitar, a flowing summery dress, and put me on a wooden swing, barefoot with a flower in my hair. I’ll cover a Sound of Music song or maybe sing an acoustic version of  “Somebody Kill Me Please” like Adam Sandler does in The Wedding Singer, and BOOM! Great success!  Either song will work.

I don’t even know why men get involved with this chick. She’s obviously just using them for some inspiration, then moving onto the next…

All the boring power to her. I guess.

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One Response to “Taylor Swift…I Don’t Get It.”

  1. duncan August 14, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

    if swift is smart she will run as fast as you can or she will end up as an alchoholic or worse in a hole in the ground with her husban standing on top of it explaining to the press once again how its not the fault of a kennedy cause it never is, hell as maro jo kopechens family sometimes you don’t even have to marry a kennedy to end up dead. oh i don’t really care how many dead kennedys died young if john john had been paying attention he would not have been flying his own plane upside down run tayor run then you can write a song about how you escaped alive. by the way DEAD KENNEDYS sounds like a great name for a band.

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