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People I Don’t Trust

27 Sep

Ever come across people in this world who just make no sense, and are therefore untrustworthy in your eyes? I’m not talking about the obvious ones, like Casey Anthony and those who believe she was a good mom. No one should trust that bitch. But I’m talking about the little things that make someone untrustworthy. Such as the following:

People who hate The Beatles: Um. What? Why? They have so many good songs, it’s hard for me to pick a favorite. How does someone hate The Beatles? Do these people hate world peace and all that is good in the world? These people must be murderers, right? Not even, because even murderers like Charles Manson love The Beatles. Helter Skelter or something.

People who hate bacon: Okay, maybe you’re a vegetarian but even so, you can’t deny the deliciousness of bacon. Nothing beats it. My boyfriend “isn’t a bacon fan”. Um okay, don’t trust him anymore. But as little as I trust people who hate bacon, I trust people who eat bacon sundaes even less. Guess it’s a good time to bring up that I also don’t trust people who eat Dunkin Donut’s tuna/chicken salad. And now that we are on the subject of food, I also don’t trust…

People who “crave” salad: LIARS! You’re all bullshit liars! Salads aren’t that bad, but who the hell craves them? Yeah buddy, I bet you get “runner’s high”, too, right? AKA: You feel good about yourself when you work out like ANYONE WOULD! Salads…They are pretty much just leaves that you ingest with dressing sprayed on  them. And most of the time if you order from a restaurant, they put way too much dressing and then you want to throw the salad across the room. Get that shit out of my face. It’s supposed to be healthy then they throw all this shit on it and it’s just as bad as a plate of nachos, but not as tasty. Yeah, salads are edible, so I eat them. But I don’t crave them. Crave is a strong word!

People who like Howie the best out of any Backstreet Boy: In 7th grade I went to the Backstreet Boys concert. At one point in the show, each member of the band is put into a harness and flung out into the audience. I wanted Brian or Nick to be the guy facing my side of the audience. Needless to say, I was disappointed when Howie came flying out towards my section. Bullshit. And if you’re someone who likes Howie the best out of the BSB, well, you’re bullshit, too.

People without a vice: Everyone has a vice. I like to pour a big glass of wine while I watch shitty TV shows. Even if a glass of alcohol isn’t your vice, that’s fine. In fact, I respect the shit out of that. But if you don’t have ANY vice, that’s when it gets weird. Everyone seems to have some kind of vice – caffeine, glass of wine, 37 glasses of wine, smoking, meth, eating an entire buffalo chicken pizza  to the face in one sitting, etc. Like, what do you do to let all that steam off if you don’t have one? Probably something bizarre when no one is looking. Disturbing. I  guess you could just go to the gym, but is that really it? I just feel like these people are going to lash out if I don’t hold the door for them or something equally miniscule.People with close eyes: Okay so, I am probably going to offend someone here but I’ve been meaning to squeeze this into one of my blogs, but never felt the time was right. My boyfriend has been talking about people with close eyes for years now. He says they are stupid. At first I thought he was being ridiculous, like the time he gave me a complex about Mich Ultra because he said it was for butch lesbians. But then it made more sense the more I came into contact with people who have eyes that are really close together. And it scientifically makes sense in my mind, too.  One of the very few things I learned in college was that an anomaly is a deviation from the norm and if someone has more than a few anomalies on their body, there is probably something wrong with them – some kind of birth defect. So maybe low IQ could be part of this? Therefore, maybe if close eyes can be considered an anomaly, maybe my boyfriend is right? Who even knows though, I can’t trust him…he hates bacon. That’s my list as of now. I’m sure there must be more. I will update you at some point. But for now, never get into a car with someone who hates bacon, craves salad, refuses to listen to The Beatles, loves Howie, and has close set eyes. Because the vice they’ve been hiding is probably that they enjoy murdering people.

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