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Not So Sexy Halloween Costumes

17 Oct

Halloween is one of my favorite times of year. I love scary movies and dressing up and drinking. I’m not sure what drinking has to do with Halloween, but I know that most holidays correlate with drinking. I love putting on costumes and going out. It’s the one time of year that you can dress like a complete hoe without judgement. For everyone out there who hates on sexy Halloween costumes, I say: sit the F down. Don’t be hatin’ because some females flaunt it on Halloween. You know you want to do the same thing, you’re just too busy being a boring, whack ass hater!

Anyways, as much as I love dressing up for Halloween, there are some costumes that I just don’t understand. Any female who goes looking for a costume knows that the companies making these costumes just add the word “sexy” before pretty much any kind of costume. Sexy princesses, sexy nurse, sexy cop, sexy prisoner, sexy teacher, sexy school girl (I’ve legit rocked the school girl costume like 5 years in a row because I hate paying $50 bucks for a poorly made Iparty costume). But yeah, they add sexiness to just about every costume. Which is fine. Sexy school girls are relevant since Britney Spears made them relevant in 1999ish. Some of these costumes are appropriately deemed as “sexy”. But there are some costumes that are dubbed “sexy” and I think whoever thought them up must be on something or just really sick in the head. Ahem…

Sexy Spongebob: First of all, I  thought that I heard somewhere that Spongebob is a gay man. Second of all, there is nothing sexy about sponges. They just remind me that I have a sink full of dirty dishes and no dish washer.

Sexy Chewbacca: The only thing less sexy than this costume is Jabba the Hutt. I wonder if the wearer of this costume makes Chewy noises in bed. Hot.

Sexy Hello Kitty: Okay, so this is yet another example of Hello Kitty’s face being thrown onto literally any product to make a buck. That’s not a Hello Kitty costume. It’s just a dress with a picture of Hello Kitty on it. If anyone really wants to be Hello Kitty for Halloween, they should paint themselves white, wear cat ears with a bow, and take some E to make their pupils dilate.
Sexy Freddy Krueger: If you were thinking that a cross dressing version of the burn victim who fucks with you in your dreams is sexy, you thought wrong.

Sexy Orphan Annie: Pedophiles unite! It’s not such a hard knock life for diddlers…little orphan Annie never grew up! And she might be easy to manipulate, being damaged goods and all.

Sexy Cookie Monster: Excuse me, but obesity is a national problem here in the United States. There is NOTHING sexy about gluttony. Unless you’re into BBW. And on the contrary…

Sexy “Anna Rexia”: There is nothing sexy about eating disorders either.

 

Ugh.

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