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Fictional Characters That Make Me Very Upset

22 Oct

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I watch a TV show, I REALLY watch a TV show. Same with movies. I get emotionally invested in the lives of these non-existent people. And some of them I want to date, like almost every character Leonardo DiCaprio plays, except for Gilbert Grape. But those characters are too boring to blog about. So I’m going to blog about the characters that I watch on TV or in the movies, that I want to light on fire.

1. Skyler White: This hoe. I could go on FAH DAYZ.  She’s always asking too many questions. Look, your husband is probably going to die. Just take the Goddamn meth money, run the car wash as a front, and shut up. She’s the naggiest woman on television and I hate her face. Hey, sweet act in that pool scene when you pretend to go crazy so Marie and Hank will take the kids. Too bad you didn’t stay under a few minutes longer. Bitch face. Jenny (Otherwise known as “Jenn-ay”): Fuckin’ Jenny. What makes me so mad at Jenny is that I can’t be that pissed at her, because she’s a victim of abuse or whatever. But she just breaks Forrest Gump’s heart too many times, and in turn breaks my heart. Like, Forrest just didn’t want to see you hurt when you were playing guitar naked in a club. Why couldn’t you just get your shit together and cut the hippie shit out? I just want to slap the shit out of her when I watch that movie. But instead, she dies (I think of AIDS?).Summer Finn: Perhaps one of my favorite movies is 500 Days of Summer. I love Zooey Deschanel. But I hate the fuck out of her character in this movie, Summer. Maybe it’s all the sad Regina Spektor music playing in the background. You’re told by the narrator in the beginning of the movie that Summer and Joseph Gordon Levitt don’t have a happy ending. So I was prepared. But I was still angry when I saw how this bitch treats this guy. Like a dog. She keeps him around til something better comes around. It was such an internal conflict for me, being such a lover of Zooey’s bangs. I also want these two to be together in real life. This movie makes me sob. Summer’s favorite Beatle is Ringo. Fucking Ringo…

Clay: I’ve only seen Sons of Anarchy like three times, and I know very little about the characters except that I literally thought people were going to stick their heads in ovens when Opie died. According to Facebook, anyways. My boyfriend tells me that Clay is a dick, and I trust my boyfriend’s judgement. But I have my own (insanely superficial) reason for not liking Clay. And that reason is that the guy is physically difficult to look at. Have you seen a homelier mug? Like, honestly, Ron Perlman’s existence in this show might be a deal breaker for me. Sorry dude.Jenelle’s Eyebrows: I’ve said it before, I hate every single teen on Teen Mom. Both seasons. They suck and I don’t care about their bullshit self-inflicted struggles. Maybe I’d cut them some slack if they weren’t horribly selfish human beings, but that not the case. Like, let’s get engaged for the third time in under a year! Wicked good idea! Aside from hating all of them as humans, what I hate most is Jenelle Evan’s eyebrows. Like, does she do them herself in a pitch black room while she’s drunk? Or does she get them done by her worst enemy? OR maybe she goes to a salon and requests boomerangs. What is going on here?! Hayden (American Horror Story season 1): Even after she is murdered, this bitch just won’t die. Typical single white female status. Creepy bitch.Caillou: For more details, read Caillou.

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3 Responses to “Fictional Characters That Make Me Very Upset”

  1. slinskey816 October 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

    I know I’m outting myself as a nerd here, but Joffrey from Game of Thrones should be on here. Seriously, fuck that kid.

  2. Kerri October 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm #

    No elliot stabler or any other law and order SVU characters? If you watch the show he really is a hot mess.

  3. Howell April 25, 2013 at 9:41 pm #

    This design is spectacular! You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Wonderful job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool

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