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I Want To Stick My Head In An Oven

13 Nov

Why do I want to stick my head in an oven? Because the new Call of Duty Black Ops II is out today. My fiance (I feel like “fiance” is perhaps the douchiest word in the dictionary. But I feel like I am slighting him by calling him my boyfriend after the rock he got me) already plays Call of Duty until 2am most nights. I’m just waiting for our neighbors to call in a domestic disturbance and the next thing I know we will have the QPD knocking on our door in the middle of the night. People probably don’t realize the obscenities he’s screaming is directed at 13 year old kids and not at me. I always know it was an intense night for him when I wake up at 6:45am and walk out into the living room to find 2 or 3 empty Gushers boxes with wrappers sitting all over the coffee table, an empty bag of Blazin’ Buffalo Doritos, as well as a 15% filled jug of Arizona iced tea. No glass. Just chugs straight from the jug. He even has the bird on his weird fucking video game schedule. I can’t take the sheet off of Boba’s cage any earlier than 10am (most birds get up early, hence the early bird gets the worm saying…obviously). Legit even the bird looks at me like he wants to peck my eyeballs out if I wake him up because Ryan has him sitting next to him as he plays COD. The bird  gets excited and chirps like a psycho all night. Whose bird sleeps past 9am because it watches it’s owner play COD until creepy hours or the morning? My life is bizarre. I know first world problems. Let the dude play his game. I’m a nag. I get it. But he was only just getting over the last COD that came out…playing it less and less. As soon as he calms down on one version of COD, another one comes out. I am going to lose my mind. Now I have this shit to deal with again:

I guess it could be worse. I could wake up to find the internet history cleared every morning. Imagine finding out that your boyfriend is a Craiglist weirdo? You know, one of those creepers that solicit pregnant women to host a “party”. Vom.

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One Response to “I Want To Stick My Head In An Oven”

  1. Brett November 13, 2012 at 10:46 pm #

    Love the video – domestic bliss, LOL! Is there a 12-step group for gamers yet?

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