New Year’s Eve & Other Holidays That Tell Us What To Do

28 Dec

Every single New Year’s Eve since I started drinking – so age 15- I have gone out to find something crazy and fun to do.  In high school this meant freezing my ass off in the woods somewhere with a 30 pack. In college this meant going to house party. After college this meant going to a bar in Boston and paying a bogus cover charge just to be packed like a sardine into a room with 500 drunk people. After too many of my guy friends got arrested and or into fist fights in Boston on NYE, we went the house party route again. This year I am 25, and what do I want to do for New Year’s Eve? I want to sit the fuck down on my couch, in my pajamas, order some Imperial Terrace, and watch The Twilight Zone marathon. Obviously I am going to get shitfaced, but I am going to do it from the comfort of my own living room, on my terms!!!

I know what you’re thinking: “Sad, bro”. Well, first off, I’m not a “bro”. I’m just a girl who is sick of holidays telling me when I need to go out drinking. Okay? I drink all the time anyways! Do these holidays want me to fucking die?! Oh, it’s St Patrick’s Day, let’s all go to Southie and get pants pissing drunk from 10am on! How about I get drunk at 10am because I WANT TO, not because St Patrick, who I don’t even know, is telling me to. And how about I not do it in Southie because I don’t feel like losing track of where my friends are and hanging out with 50 thousand other green beaded drunk people who probably aren’t even remotely Irish! I wish holidays would just stop telling me what to do. Just…just let me live!!! I don’t want to wear silly hats or silly 2000-somethin’ glasses, I just want to be merry!!!

The pressure I feel on these holidays to go out and find something fun to do is just too much for me to take anymore. And usually, with the exception of a few times, these days end up being really, really awful! Like one time a friend of mine was jumped by a gang of Asians with batons on the way home from Boston on NYE. What the fuck is THAT?! I just end up putting these holidays on pedestals, buying something sparkly or green or whatever we are supposed to wear, only to wish I had just stayed on my couch. Don’t get me wrong, I live for going out. That’s why I think children are evil. But I don’t want to be told when to go out. It’s like, once I am forced to do something, I really don’t want to do it anymore. I want to drink pretty much every weekend. But don’t fucking make me. Because I’ll rebel. I’ll rebel by staying dead sober. Hmm…parents, maybe this is a lesson in reverse psychology that you could use on your teenagers. Just force them to chug a 40 of Steel Reserve, then send them to Broadway Station on the Red Line, and make them day drink in Southie all day. Then again…don’t do that.

Anyways, I’m sure I’m full of shit about staying in and I’ll see you guys out this New Year’s Eve, as we hold our pee and count down like drunk monkey robots and squeeze past each other in a bar that far exceeds the limit of people the building is supposed to contain. Living is difficult.



2 Responses to “New Year’s Eve & Other Holidays That Tell Us What To Do”

  1. alisob December 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm #

    First world problems…

    • Molly December 28, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

      ha yeah, I tagged this under “First World Problems”

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