New Years Resolutions Are For Suckas.

2 Jan

New Years resolution, shmew years resolutions. Those things are for SUCKAS. Do you know of anyone who has actually ever followed through on a resolution? Probably not. Unless you hang out with people who eat plain hummus with everything. They strike me as people who would succeed at New Years resolutions on the regular.

Anyways, just because I think resolutions are for suckas doesn’t mean I don’t have any, because I do. I’m a sucka. Here are my resolutions:

Get Gmail: Here I am preaching day in and day out about trashy email addresses and I’m walking this planet with a fucking hotmail account. So I guess this is me announcing to YOU that my new email address is Ahh, that feels a lot less trashy.

Continue to avoid the gym: Who goes to the gym when all you really have to do is THINK about going to the gym? The intention is there, you are just WAY too busy driving by the gym to actually go into the gym. Jeez, I should really take this back before Katie Kickbutt kicks my butt for being a bad influence.

Not get pregnant: There is little that is more important to me than not being pregnant. Being un-pregnant to me means not driving a station wagon/mini van, destroying my liver alone and not the liver of a fetus, not stepping on Legos, sleeping late on weekends, not puking, gaining too much weight in a short period of time on my own terms, among a million other things. I know, I know, babies are love and children are joyful. Maybe someday…but in 2013? Fuck that.

Pretty solid resolutions, no? Sound attainable enough. What about you guys? How is your weight loss plan going so far? Fools…


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