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Uninvitations

21 Jan

Not sure who you are, but if you’ve ever planned a wedding, you probably know how awkward it is when random people assume they are invited to your big day. I was shocked at the amount of Facebook messages I got from people I haven’t spoken to since 1994, saying that they are so happy for me and that they can’t wait for my wedding. Bizarre. I can’t imagine assuming that I am going to be invited to a wedding, unless it’s a family member or close friend. For all anyone knows, it’s going to be a small wedding with just close friends and immediate family. I mean, it’s not, but it COULD be. The only reason it isn’t is because we have insanely large families and my dad won’t get on a plane. People don’t seem to understand that it costs like $60+ per plate for mediocre (at best) food.

Why do people WANT to go to weddings so badly? It’s strange to me that anyone would want to go to a wedding for someone who isn’t even in their cell phone contacts. The people who do this shit don’t even know Ryan and I as a couple, so why do they want to spend money on us and watch us make out in a church? Awkward city. I don’t think people know what they are getting themselves into with this self invite shit. I don’t know how to respond to them. I’m not a confrontational person, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I just say “thanks for the congratulations”, then go off of Facebook chat and write blogs like this. I wish there was a more direct approach to avoid any misconceptions. Guys are pretty good at being up front. That’s why I brought this subject up when Ryan had people over for the Pats game (it was during a commercial before it was clear that the Pats weren’t winning, so I could be heard without being given a death stare). As I suspected, they thought my issue was a non issue and said that I just need to tell people that there are way too many people for me to invite them. I told them that as a non confrontational person, I don’t want to give them a chance to respond to my rejection. Easy enough, they told me, send these people an uninvitation. Obviously they have no tact anyways, so they won’t think much of getting an uninvitation in the mail, right? Probably. So what is an uninvitation? It’s a card that you send that expresses in a firm but compassionate way, that the recipient is not invited to your event. It might say something like:

“We officially and respectfully do not invite you to our special day. We appreciate your cooperation, and hope the police won’t be involved. Good luck with your probably socially unacceptable future endeavors! Love, Us.”

Straight to the point! And one of Ryan’s groomsmen pointed out that if I really want to make the card powerful, I could always add music to it. You know those overpriced 4 pound cards that you open up in CVS that blast out corny music and scare the shit out of the old lady standing next to you, and everyone in the aisle looks at you and your face gets red? You can always send out a musical uninvitation! But what song would go with an univitation? THIS one:

And that kind of card probably costs more than a wedding favor anyways, so it’s not like this tactless asshat won’t get something out of being uninvited to your event, right? Just make sure you don’t put a return address on the card. If you do, and your house gets egged, don’t blame me!

You can thank me for the uninvitation idea by voting for me in this wedding contest 😉 http://bit.ly/WKkMRs

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One Response to “Uninvitations”

  1. Claire Conway January 22, 2013 at 9:14 pm #

    I had a friend complain about not being in the wedding party but hasn’t even told me if they will be attending my wedding… People are whacked !

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