Molly’s Review of ‘Southie Rules’

30 Jan

I was chatting with my mom this morning during my morning commute and she was non too pleased with the portrayal of her hometown last night. “Meatballs!? We never sold meatballs on a bike like that!!! I’m from Southie and I don’t sell meatballs! What was up with the meatballs!”, she defended Southie folk as soon as I asked if she had watched the show. Oh, she had, and so hadn’t everyone else. According to Twitter, everyone was tuning in last night for the premiere episodes of the new “reality” show Southie Rules. Based on what I had heard of it, I knew it wasn’t going to be anything groundbreaking or new. But what I watched for an hour on A & E last night reached a whole new level of scripted reality shows. I sat through an hour of the most awkward, second hand embarrassment inducing bullshit I have seen since the big reveal of Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery on The Hills. I lied, The Real World: St Thomas kid lighting candles for a date a that never showed up was also pretty awkward. But where do I even start with Southie Rules? Here are the top few things that made me cringe from the inside of my soul and out:

  • The zoom in on the fresh white kicks. Dude got new sneakers because he was going to be on TV. I get that. He wants to look nice for the camera. But even though he is actually from Southie, if I hadn’t asked someone who was Southie born and raised, I would have thought that this kid was from the suburbs and just Google searched “South Boston stereotypes”.
  • The overemphasis of the Boston accent. Okay, these people ARE from Southie so no doubt they have a Boston accent. But why did the producers of the show add subtitles for that kid with the beard? (Devin, I believe). We could understand him perfectly fine without having to read it off the bottom the screen. Overkill city.
  • The ethnic ambiguity. I was only half paying attention at some points of the show because I was busy live tweeting and drinking my father’s Miller High Life leftovers, but what was up with the Irish music playing at random in the background? My confusion during the “spontaneous” meatbwaaaull fight while they were headed the wrong way up Broadway was through the roof. Are they Italian? Are they Irish? Are they Polish? I felt like I was watching ethnically ambiguous actors from a Tide commercial.
  • I am calling bullshit on this family not having money. I guess it never specifically said they don’t have money, but it was implied that most of the family doesn’t, because they mentioned that only 4 of them work real jobs. You don’t need to play Bill Roulette if you live in a house like that in South Boston. And even if the Bill Roulette ritual was real, this family must have awful credit, judging from the 500 bills in the basket. Late fees up the ASS.
  • All of the insanely obvious set up situations (so I guess that means the entire show). For example, Camille walking in at the exact same time her son is stripping at the bachelorette party. Or the homemade porn/Yuppie Mom group scene (AKA the storyline that allows for the word “Hahhvid” to conveniently be thrown into the episode). Or the entire bike scene, “Oh no, I have meatbwaaulls all ovah me!”. Never saw that one coming.

In fairness to this family, who actually genuinely seem like good people, it’s really not their fault that the Jersey Shore is looking better by comparison (I can’t believe I went there). It’s the fault of the creators: the awful premise of each episode that the producers are forcing. I noticed that other than people who personally know this family, the few who defended them were saying that the show is supposed to be a comedy, as opposed to a reality show. Well, that’s not what A & E was promoting it as. I am willing to play a round of bill roulette with a year’s worth of oil bills that the people who found this show “hilarious”, also quote Dane Cook skits regularly, and opt for Ridiculousness over Tosh.  What the producers should do is make Devin, the dude with the beard, the focus of the show. Southie Rules is supposed to be about a born and raised South Boston family trying to cope with the gentrification of their neighborhood. But so far, it looks like it’s Yuppies 1, Lifers 0.

All in all, shit sucked. If I didn’t love live tweeting snarky comments during shitty reality shows while drinking the champagne of beers on a work night, I think I would have opted for my bed. Then again, I watch Dance Moms, so who am I to judge? Step it up A & E. When does Breaking Bad start back up, again?



One Response to “Molly’s Review of ‘Southie Rules’”

  1. Catherine Landers January 31, 2013 at 4:30 pm #

    Amen! I’m from Dorchester, and I was embarrassed! Not at all what I thought it was going to be, horrible portrayal of Bostonians everywhere.

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