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Are You Allowed To Tell A Friend To Dump Her Boyfriend?

22 Mar

heidi_montag_spencer_pratt

No idea why, but I find myself in this debate with someone at least once a month: if you think your friend’s boyfriend is a dick, are you allowed to tell her to give him the boot? Well, obviously you are allowed to, but SHOULD you? Most of the time I hear girls say that it’s totally kosher to let her girl know her man sucks if it’s in her best interest. But to be honest: I disrespectfully disagree. The only time that it’s okay to butt in is when you are talking about any kind of abuse – so for the sake of this blog, I am not talking about abusive relationships. I am talking about normal relationships with your (somewhat) typical problems. Say for instance he’s the most annoying fucker you’ve ever met, I’m talking a one-upper who uses “Just saying!” at the end of every douchebag comment he makes. Unless your friend directly asks for your opinion, there is nothing you can do except wait it out and hope that she comes to her senses. You can try to get around this by perhaps bringing up petty shit about your own boyfriend that you don’t like (he plays Call of Duty one hour longer than you’d like, for example) to see if maybe your friend will open up about the issues in her relationship to kind of pave the way for you to gently point out that he might not be the right guy for her. But if you just come right out and start letting her in on all of your negative feelings towards him, chances are she will get defensive, feel ganged up on, or shut down completely. And when that’s over with, she will know that she cannot go to you to talk or confide in you about her relationship problems. She may even resent you for laying it on her so thick. She is a big girl and she can take care of her own shit. If she doesn’t take care of her own shit after a gentle warning, that should be your cue to sort of  fade away and let her learn for herself. If during the learning process she complains about him all the time, let her know that you told her what your take was, and that your stance is the same.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t be honest. Be honest without any selfish intent (like wanting her to ditch him so you can be single together). Let her know that you don’t like his behavior when he acts a fool.  But if you don’t like your friend’s boyfriend just over some personality differences you have with him, keep it to yourself and just don’t double date with them. Easy peasy! I am all for girl power and shit, but I think us girls get a little too into it when it comes to our friends relationships. It’s not your relationship. It’s not your place to meddle unless your  friends are in some kind of danger. If your friend is happy with a guy you think is kind of a tool, then it is what it is. It’s rare that us humans can accept that is it what it is because we want what we want, but really: IT IS WHAT IT IS. Stop trying to be the hero and settle for the supportive friend role. If she needs you, she will come, and she will appreciate you a lot more when you stop doling out unsolicited advice. Let’s be real: she’s not going to listen to you anyways. We want what is best for our friends, but we need to learn for ourselves sometimes.

Exceptions:

  • Your friend is dating a guy who is really into crystals for the purpose of inviting positive vibes into their atmosphere.
  • Your friend is dating a gay man and you have solid proof of it.
  • Your friend is dating Kanye West.

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One Response to “Are You Allowed To Tell A Friend To Dump Her Boyfriend?”

  1. Jenn March 25, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

    It’s bad when you find out a friend’s significant other is cheating…..I know of many situations when someone tried to tell a friend their s.o. was cheating, and they end up believing the lies of the cheater & you become a “bad friend”.

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