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Why Do People Do The Things They Do In Public Bathrooms?

1 Apr

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I am going to try really hard not to get too detailed in this blog. I think you all know what I’m talking about anyways when I ask: why do people do the things they do in public bathrooms? I feel so bad for whoever cleans those things, probably at no more than 10 an hour. Foul. And I am not talking about men’s bathrooms (maybe because I am not a man), I’m talking to the ladies here! I thought us ladies were more cleanly than men, but I start questioning this stereotype when it comes to public bathrooms. In general, I think we all try to avoid using a public restroom. Unless we are talking about unstable people, who are usually the ones talking to themselves the next stall over, or giving themselves sponge baths in the sink. But even for us stable females (‘stable’ being subjective), when you gotta go, you gotta go, and when you drink boatloads of water like I do…you gotta go more often than not, so you find yourself holding your nose and crossing the tiled threshold into the depths of hell on earth every once in awhile.

First thing I need to know: are people that bad at aiming? We aren’t boys, it’s not that hard to miss. I know you don’t want to sit fully on the toilet (especially with no tissue liner), and please (PLEASE) don’t sit fully on the toilet (the seat is probably warm like the poles on the Red Line…EW!!!!), but are you that out of shape/lazy that you can’t hold a squat half an inch over the toilet for the duration of the pee? If not, please start practice squatting for our sake. I mean, sometimes it looks like some women squat two feet above the toilet and hope for the best. It’s EVERYWHERE.  Second off, if you are someone who goes #2 in public places, maybe you should just stay at home because I’d like to keep this rumor going about girls not partaking in that. Thanks. Thirdly, your Bath & Body Works spray doesn’t cover any odors. Not even a little bit. Now the bathroom just smells like someone pooped on a cucumber melon. And lastly, stop writing weird compliments on bathroom walls. You’re already visiting a public bathroom, don’t be any creepier. Plus, if you are writing on a wall while peeing, we then have 90% confirmation that you are sitting on a public toilet, and that’s gross. Unleash your inner emo kid on Tumblr instead.

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2 Responses to “Why Do People Do The Things They Do In Public Bathrooms?”

  1. CubicleViews April 1, 2013 at 11:33 pm #

    Oh boy you’ve hit on a very sensitive topic for me (and my blog) – Bathrooms. I’m so with you Molly. And, by with you I don’t mean in the stall next to you…eww.

    Take a gander at this pretty recent post I did and you’ll see what I mean. http://thecubicleviews.com/2013/03/11/the-toilet-is-calling/

  2. rockycoxhard April 2, 2013 at 12:27 am #

    Or a feminist

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