Get Drunk On A Roof Deck Weather

8 Apr


It’s that time of year again. You know, that time of year that we get one or two warm days a week so we transform into full blown alcoholics who want to day drink on roof decks, patios, and all other outdoor surfaces. It’s a hard time of year for us full time 9-5 schmucks. All day long we sit here at our jobs, fucking around on the internet pretending we are important while behind our screen shields our Facebooks are up so we can enviously creep on those who work nights and get to enjoy the weather. We vow that we will call out sick the next time weather permits for the Marina, but deep down inside, we know we are pussies who won’t call out sick based on the fear that one of our ass-hat friends will check us in to Port 305 for all of our coworkers to see. So instead we will put up passive aggressive statuses that insinuate that everyone who is basking in the sun is somehow mooching off the government and should focus on getting a job like the rest of us professionals. Then we will go on our lunch breaks and search for maxi dresses online for us to not wear this summer because maxi dresses aren’t appropriate for the office, because we know that’s where will will spend 90% of our Summer, and we don’t have casual Fridays at our office. Maybe we will walk downtown for an hour on lunch, stop in at H&M and purchase a floppy hat or straw fedora to make ourselves feel better. But probably not, because an object sitting on our heads will only serve to remind us that even when we are off on the weekend, it will probably be overcast. That fedora will just sit on the back speaker in our cars, overheating in the sun while we slave away in an air conditioned building, sipping melted iced coffees. Life is hard. My soul hurts.

Woah, that was depressing. Here’s hoping we get some beach weather Saturdays in this year so I never write something so bitter again. Until then, feel free to choke on your week day Bloody Mary. Jerk.


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