How To Get People Out Of Your Way Without Being Rude.

22 Apr

Two weeks ago I was walking up a pretty busy Back Bay street with my coworker Regina. The further we walked, the busier the sidewalk seemed to get.  We approached a large group of Japanese fan girls (I think? I was drunk so I can’t be sure who was standing in a large group) and could barely get passed them. Suddenly, Regina started shouting “Excuse me Walter! Get out the way Walter!!!!” at the startled group. I was pleasantly surprised when the group split like the red sea to let us walk by. I turned to Regina and asked “What the FUCK was that? Who is Walter?”. Regina went on to tell me that whenever she needs someone to get out of her way, instead of being rude she just shouts “Excuse me Walter!”, and maneuvers her way through as the crowd creates a path for her. She explained that she does this on the train and at the bus stop, too. I didn’t feel like I needed to ask what possessed her to do this that first time that she tried it, as my coworker Regina does what she wants. Like, right now, she’s laughing hysterically in a coat closet and I don’t understand why.

So next time you want to get through a crowd without throwing elbows, name drop Walter, even if you don’t know who Walter is. It works. You think just because you’re an elderly person or a woman with a baby that people are just magically going to move for you? Nope. You need an imaginary man named Walter to come to your aid.


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