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Girl Code 101

29 Apr

I’m all for that girl power shit, but some girls are dogs. Whatever happened to girl power and that talk of if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my friends? Did that die out in the 90’s or did it just never exist? Guys have their own code that they brag about all the time, bros before hoes and shit. But girls don’t seem to follow suit, even siding with other guys sometimes. Some girls either don’t know girl code or they just don’t care to follow it, and honestly, I’m sick of seeing girls dog each other. So ladies, let’s stop being gross and start treating each other the way that we like to be treated. This should put an end to slut-shaming once and for all!!!!!!

Here’s is a girl code refresher course:

Don’t mack on a sistah’s man. Sharing is caring but not when it comes to bodily fluids and STD’s!!!! What a perfect world this would be if every time another girl’s boyfriend flirted with us, rather than flirt back, we told Romeo to LAY THE FUCK OFF!!!! And if you are the girl trying to flirt with a dude you know is hooked up, then maybe you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself because it’s never a good look, and never will be! I mean, you might as well be trying on another woman’s underwear when you are trying to get with her man, and that’s gross. If you feel like you don’t get enough attention from a special someone, then get a cat. They are similar to men in that they have ears but don’t give a fuck what you’re saying, so why risk hurting someone? Truth is, every girl has been that girl who has gotten cheated on and it’s not fun. If you didn’t like it when it happened to you, then don’t do it to someone else. Hint: if you don’t know he’s got a girlfriend, take a look at his claddagh ring. If he doesn’t have a claddagh ring, then a quick social media search will do the trick. The stalking technology is out there for us, only a click away. Utilize that shit. Stalking is one of our strongest instincts, ladies! Be stealth!

Be a solid wing-woman. Girls need them, too! When your single friend needs a little help meeting guys, be the wing-woman you would want for yourself. That means: don’t sulk the entire time, talk her up (not down!), take one for the team, don’t tell the story about the time she shit herself on Thanksgiving morning, and know when to bail.

Stop with the “But we aren’t friends, I don’t owe her anything” shit: Often times when a girl wrongs another girl, her excuse is “Well, I’m not friends with that girl so I don’t care because I don’t owe her shit”.  Well, you should care, because whether or not you know “that girl” doesn’t take away from the character that you are building for yourself. And what’s the the talk of not owing anyone anything? I don’t owe anyone money right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to rip apart their home life. If you want to be known as the scumbag who does shitty things to other females because you don’t ow anyone anything, then that’s your prerogative. Just know that Tupac is shaking his head from the heavens.

Be honest: If you were walking around in some ridiculous new fashion trend and you looked like a total dope, wouldn’t you want to know? The answer, unless you’re a hipster douchebag, is YES, you would. We don’t always want our boyfriends to tell us when we aren’t looking our best (for example, I got a shirt that I really liked, and Ryan told me that I look like Mortal Kombat in it the first time I wore it, so I cannot wear that shirt anymore and that makes me think he thinks I look like Mortal Kombat all the time now. If my girlfriend had said it, I would have just told her to shut up and get out of the 90’s, then change my shirt). We need our girlfriends to (nicely) tell us the truth, even when we look like Mortal Kombat, because it hurts our feelings less than when our boyfriends break the news.

Look out for your girls: If you see that she’s hammered at the end of the night, make sure she got home alright. A dead friend is a friend that is not alive, and we want to hang out with real, live friends.

Stop hating on another female’s success: If a girl we know (or don’t know!) is doing well for herself, how about we take it as an accomplishment for women, instead or bashing her for being successful out of some fit of jealousy? Nothing wrong with working hard to achieve a goal, so why hate on it? And nothing wrong with a little healthy competition, but how about using it as a constructive tool to better ourselves and uplift one another. Corny? Yes! But so are your Maya Angelou quote Facebook statuses, so why not go balls to the wall? Or you know what? If we are going to hate on someone else’s success, let’s at LEAST  own it! Be like “EW SHE BOUGHT A HOUSE BECAUSE SHE WORKED HARD TO GET A GOOD JOB AND CAN AFFORD IT?! I AM SO JEALOUS!!! MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE A CUE FROM THIS BITCH AND GET A GOOD JOB SO I TOO CAN BUY A HOUSE!!!!”. This way, we know we are being ridiculous, but we are also vowing to work on ourselves so we aren’t jealous psychos who talk shit about innocent bystanders anymore.

Stop calling dibs on men: I hate this shit. If a girl hits it off with a guy, then as far as girl code is concerned, she has staked her claim. None of this “dibs” shit. This isn’t child’s play! We aren’t calling shotgun here, we are distributing men as pets and men are humans too!!! The girl who hits it off is the winning bidder, not the girl who calls “dibs!” when she sees an attractive man.

(wo)Man the fuck up!: If you’re pissed at your friend, stop talking about it behind her back to all your mutual friends and tell her! Go directly to the source to solve the problem. Start with “hey, you know I didn’t like that shit you did when blah blah blah” then go from there.  Actions speak louder than words. Don’t be a twat.

Be a therapist: Remember that time you got dumped? Yeah, that sucked. If your girl gets dumped, BE THERE FOR HER. Plan a girl’s night without your boyfriend lingering around like a weirdo who goes to girl’s night and do something to get her mind off her dumbass ex boyfriend.

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GIRL POWER! Now that you’ve read this, I can guarantee that you will never have to subject yourself to that whack new show on Mtv called Girl Code. Yay?

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One Response to “Girl Code 101”

  1. kae April 29, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

    Ok so I hooked up with a kid like 12 years ago. About 2 1/2 years ago my BFF of going on 29 years started hooking up with said kid, thinking it would go somewhere fell in love blah blah blah and ended up breaking off. Said kid begins hooking up with my OTHER BFF and history is repeating itself…. Now the kicker is I saw my 1st friend at said kids house and asked her if it was her. I simply asked bc I was in the area, and figured I’d catch up with her (bc she is now engaged) I have my own thoughts on why she was there but that is not my business I’m married and have my own relationship to worry about! LoL so needless to say after accusing me of accusing her , me apologizing mainly to shut her up and kill the argument she blows me off during the week, then my sister and sends a 5 page text breaking up with me. Can u say fucked up?! 29 years n u break up a friendship in a text?? Ok moving on…. And said kid clearly is a down right dog for hooking up with girls for years on end and making no commitment and my friends clearly need a reality check. I’m too old for this shit!

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