Proper Memorializing

23 May


There isn’t a weekend in the entire year that says Summer quite like Memorial Day weekend. It’s basically the official kick off of good weather and great times. But this weekend, while we are having a good ole American time, let’s remember that Memorial Day is really about paying our respects to fallen men and women in the United States Armed Forces. My father used to take me over to Cedar Grove Cemetery ever Memorial Day to pay respects to my late veteran grandfather. It’s important to remember how we are able to enjoy a weekend in our country quite as free as ours. People have fought and still fight for that very right. Never forget it!

So, pay your respects… then it’s time to really start memorializing. By “memorializing”, I mean binge drinking after 12pm donned in Ray Bans, boat shoes,  and nautical colors. If you have a boat,  perfect. Just blast some Springsteen and make sure it’s not a sausage fest cruise. If you’re poor, find someone with a pool (preferably inground) and a grill that’s not shitty. Bring the Bubba Burgers so you don’t come off as a cheap ass, cart around a cooler with wheels for easy pulling, and crack a cold one 17 times. Repeat this process every weekend until Labor Day and you’re good!

UPDATE: It’s going to rain this entire Memorial Day weekend. Maybe let this sink a little bit, perhaps cry in the bathroom at work for ten minutes. Look at yourself while you cry to make yourself feel extra bad for yourself. Then get your shit together and consider a trip to Foxwoods. I mean, does it get any more American than Native Americans and casinos? My country tis of thee, indeed.



One Response to “Proper Memorializing”

  1. T May 23, 2013 at 4:07 pm #

    Just a reminder (I work ar a liquor store) ALL liquor stores are closed on Monday.

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