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Miley Cyrus

27 Aug

Sooooo…

There’s that.

And you know what? That’s fine. Miley is grown up and wants to show everyone that part of the process is embracing  Chuck E. Cheese inspired, camel toe enhancing, leotards after probably eating pure MDMA at awards shows while twerking up on the heir to Jason Seaver’s throne. No brainer. SHE’S NOT HANNAH MONTANA NO MO’, YA HEARD?! And it’s fuckin’ FIERCE!!!!!! (Or maybe it’s not. I forget.)

…But do you think Miley Cyrus is a celebrity WhO iS JuSt liKe Us? Do you think she wakes up in the morning and is like “FUCK!!!!”? Like, ‘what did I do last night because the last thing I remember is dry-humping a lifesize teddy bear on stage at the VMA’s in footwear comparable to Steve Madden high-top Keds’? My guess is probably not because she’s rich and rich people don’t have regrets. They just do what they want and twerk who they want and smoke salvia whenevs and pop Molly to get the urge to rave out of the systems and they live their lives like it’s one long Sunday Funday sans the looming feeling of Monday. Probably. I mean, that HAS to be why they are always coming up with these inspirational quotes, such as “fuck the haters” and “do you”, right?

Has to be. Because my *WORST*WORST*WORST* fear is getting out on the dance floor, feelin’ nice, with the innocent intent to merely cut a rug, only to make literally every single movement Miley Cyrus made last night. Every physical movement she made resembled riding a fake pony while also managing to stick her tongue out at the same time and THAT SHIT IS HARD. Like, on par with rubbing your tummy while waving in circles. Or maybe that’s not hard. Sometimes I forget things because I took E in high school once or twice.

Anyways, I say, do you Miley Cyrus. Your dad sang Achy Breaky Heart and in my opinion, that means you can twerk any member of Alan Thicke’s clan that you want for at least 17 generations. Married or not. As Mya Angelou once said: FUCK THE HATERS.

Side note: anyone else cry when *NSYNC reunited for 11 seconds? Because I did and ever since then I feel like there is nothing else to live for. miley-cyrus-lick-e1377372069576

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