Sup With Teenagers Trick or Treating?

1 Nov

Last night I stopped by my parent’s house to get some last minute wedding details taken care of (AKA the dreaded seating floorplan). I actually had almost completely forgotten that it was Halloween because this was the first year I didn’t dress as a whore, and what is Halloween without dressing as a whore? Anyways, I get to my mom’s and trick or treaters were starting it up early. Bell rings, I hear kids. Throw them some candy, and then look down at the candy bowl to grab another handful for the kids behind the first crew. Only they aren’t kids. They are like 17. And I swear, they don’t look like they are trying to be smartasses. There is a group of them, smiling and laughing and having a great time. Their costumes are homemade, one wearing about 2 feet of toilet paper, one wearing grubby clothes (homeless?), one dressed in all grey with some mouse ear hand band, and the rest dressed in other shitty costumes. Two girls have their arms linked and are giggling. Listen, I don’t condone bullying, but they looked like the cast of fucking Glee, they were that stoked for a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. We had another teenage girl who was doing this by herself. If you are old enough to trick or treat by yourself, then you are too old to trick or treat, buddy. Go home.

What’s up with this? Shouldn’t teenagers be in the woods drinking somewhere trying to get action on Halloween? Or loitering at a 7-11? Pretty sure I stopped trick or treating early on in middle school. I’m not saying that teenagers should be out playing Formation or egging local religious colleges to get chases from campus police, but yes, I guess that’s what I am saying. I can’t even call teenagers going door to door on Halloween “trick or treaters”. You know what they are called? Mooches. And no one likes a mooch. Leave the trickery and treatery to the children. Next year I am going to be armed with a bowl of candy for the kids, and a cooler filled with Steel Reserve for the teens. Man up!

On the up side, I did see an adorable little plump boy dressed as Bumblebee from Transformers. He had a high pitched voice and said “I’m Bumblebee!”. His cheeks were so chubby that they were level with his pupils and made his eyes look squinty. Endearing as fuck. I wanted to kidnap him and play Nintendo. But I settled down and decided against it.


2 Responses to “Sup With Teenagers Trick or Treating?”

  1. Sean Smithson November 1, 2013 at 8:16 pm #

    “I wanted to kidnap him and play Nintendo…” What a line. Wicked

  2. Brett November 2, 2013 at 2:06 pm #

    I had some teenaged trick or treaters as well. I told them as I dropped candy into their bags, “You’re aging out of the system, guys.” They smiled sheepishly.

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