30 Dec

2013 is winding down and I’m kind’ve sad to say good bye. This was the best year of my life, not counting the year I got my Princess Diana Beanie Baby. That shit was enclosed in a *glass (*probably plastic) case, with a tag protector for safe keeping. And if I could do the same for this year, just keep it in a jar, and open it up whenever I felt like it, I guess I would, but that would be too trippy for me and I like to stay somewhat grounded.

But yeah, 2013 has been the year I got married to my best friend. (Side note: how annoying is it when people say they are marrying their best friends? Fuckin’ spare me!). It’s also shown me how solid my friendships are. Those bitches went to Harlem and back with me, and none of us fist fought. Good stuff.

Though I love my husband, and I love my friends, this blog was meant for my parents. I’ve been thinking of how I could repay them for giving me the most magical day of my life and keep coming up short. Each Christmas I try to focus mostly on my 8 year old niece, Ryan’s little sister (who is 6 and lost her mom 2 years ago) and my parents when it comes to gift giving. Ryan and I aren’t very into material shit, and we were broke after our honeymoon/random expenses from the wedding, so we had no problems deciding not to exchange this year. But I felt disappointed in myself when all I could swing this year for my mom and dad was a Pandora charm for my mom and a Grumpy White’s gift card for them to get dinner. And it made me even more sad to see my mom, who deserves the world and spent so much on one night for us, react so happily to such a simple and modest gift. To this day, as though it were a macaroni fucking necklace, she doesn’t care what it is, as long as it’s from me. I’m 26. I don’t mean that this kind of love is not sad, it’s the opposite, but it makes me sad because she deserves so much more.

No matter how often I think and worry about it, I keep coming up with the same realization: I can never give my parents what they have given me, because the least they ever gave me and my siblings, was the most they ever had. It makes me scared to have kids. Parents – well, good parents, like mine – give their children everything they have. Big commitment. And there is no pre-nup. Like, us bastards are staying at our parents’ nowadays til we are like 39 like it ain’t no thing. And our parents are just like “Yeah, respect our rules and we’d love to chill with you another 32 years past your 18th birthday. Or don’t respect our rules and we will be slightly peeved at you, but still welcome you with open arms and keep Hot Pockets in the freezer for you!”. It would be totally irrational if this was just a roommate. But parents love us so much that they let us overstay our welcome. For 46 years on average.

Growing up, my dad worked at the post office and my mom worked mother’s hours at a local bank. Fast forward to now, my dad still works at the post office and my mom works at the same bank. We didn’t have a lot of money, but there was always enough. Every Christmas morning we had tons of gifts waiting for us to rip open. My mom used to remind us to be grateful: “I never got this many gifts as a kid!”, while my dad, who is one of eleven children, teased her: “Was your family poor or something?!”. When we got good grades, there was a prize (preferably a Happy Meal) awaiting us. We always got at least 3 back to school outfits, and my mom made sure to get us that occasional shirt from the overpriced stores so we felt up to speed with our peers/weren’t bullied.

When college came around, we were encouraged to pursue whatever we wanted to pursue, and if we wanted to go to Dunkin Donuts U, my parents would have forked over the dough. Thank God we weren’t ripping white trash and chose state schools instead. If we wanted to go to an expensive private school, my mom would take us on tours of the colleges. (Side note: my grades sucked in high school because I was a juvenile delinquent/asshole and even though I probably didn’t deserve college, my mom brought me to private 2 year schools to tour because at the time, they were easy to get into. Instead I chose to attend the “Soit” for a year then transfer to a better school.). My parents have 3 kids, and would have spent their last dime getting us idiots educated.

My mom wouldn’t allow me to pay for the big things in my wedding. I won a dress contest so I could get whatever gown I wanted. My mom allowed our guest list to be as long as I wanted it to be. She never questioned it. My parents would spend their retirement fund on their kids to make us happy for one evening.

I called my mom today after a couple days of not talking and told her I missed her. She said she missed me back but didn’t want to call me too much and be “overbearing”. This broke my heart. How could someone who gave me their whole self be worried they were being overbearing if they called me? But that’s how parents are. They are selfless people who give us everything and even then they worry that it’s not enough, or that something they do is too much and will annoy us. No amount of phone calls in the world from my mom would ever be overbearing. And I don’t think the unconditional love she or my dad has shown me since before I was born could ever be repaid in material form. But I want them to know how much I love them back, and am grateful for another year of their love and support. If a Grumpy White’s clam chowder on the house doesn’t make them see that, then maybe this blog will help?

So shout out to my parents and all the other bad ass parents out there. You are doing a much better job than you think you are.


3 Responses to “Parents”

  1. Jen O December 30, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

    I read this withe tears on my cheeks. As a parent I can assure you that the old cliche of, ‘it’s the thought that counts’, couldn’t be more true when it comes to parents and their children. We don’t need to be rewarded with big ticket prizes. Knowing our kids are happy and healthy is the only reward we need. Unconditional love. That’s all we need. And this blog post right here, I’m sure, is all your parents need from you.

  2. Jen O December 30, 2013 at 5:51 pm #

    For the record, I do know how to spell ‘with’. That was a typo!

  3. Patricia Donovan December 30, 2013 at 6:17 pm #

    This is the best gift a girl can give her parents. This letter of love has got to be one of the best ( from the hart ) that I have ever read. I had tears in my eyes thinking of your parents reading this blog. I am not a parent, but I also had a great Mom and Dad who were alot like yours, and only wish I could have given them somthing like this letter. Molly you are a very special person.

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