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My Husband’s Blog Ideas

15 Jan

hulk

Since I started writing this blog in 2011, I have asked Ryan to contribute about 50 billion times. But he’s more into his own shit, like sculpting a Hulk out of clay for 6 months (dead serious, and it came out really good -it sits on our entertainment center), and lifting weights, and virtually shooting people (in video games – chill), and taking nap naps at 4pm. He does, however, give me some blog IDEAS sometimes. I just generally can’t use them because he doesn’t elaborate enough for me to come up with enough material for an entire blog. But after hearing one of his most recent kind of/not really genius ideas for a blog, I’ve decided he’s probably given me enough material over 3 years to at least write a blog of all of his blog ideas. Here are some of my personal favorites:

1. Write an open letter to Utz and ask them why their chips don’t fill even half the fuckin’ bag.utz

Every one of you cheap bastards out there who love a good crunch with your samich knows about Utz: the chip that never  exceeds 99 cents. Ever. Except you get what you pay for: a bag of mostly air. Ryan thinks Utz should start making less bag because he is pessimistic that Utz will ever make more chip. The chip to bag ratio is bullshit but a bargain’s a bargain, you guys. Kind of bizarre though because they make up for their lack of chips with their industrial sized container of cheese balls.

2. Imagine what it is like being IN Call of Duty and write a blog about it

ryan

…Or I could just enlist in war with a bunch of foul mouthed 13 year olds and hope for the best? All I know is that everyone would be screaming “YOU CAMPING ASS BITCH!” at me…a lot.

3. Write stuff about celebrities and rename your blog “Mollywood”.

No.

4. The guys on Ancient Aliens have so many theories on aliens and shit…it’s like how many possibilities can there possibly be??! Everything is a possible alien plot!!! What’s not possible is ALL these possibilities being possible. Stick to one possibility because they can’t all be possible! And on that subject, why the fuck is everything on TV nowadays reality TV? What is the Learning Channel now? We aren’t learning! It’s a channel about skanks!!! Why is the history channel reality TV when history is not right now. Blog about that. 

I didn’t realize the Sister Wives were skanks, but I guess I can kind’ve see it.

5. Do you think people who like vegetables have bad taste in life partners because all vegetables taste like shit? Well not all vegetables, but most vegetables. 

I literally cannot even elaborate on this.

6. Why do lazy people vote? Oh yeah, they DON’T. Blog about that. 

Ryan hasn’t voted since I’ve known him.

7. What do animals think about?

Food, food, food, squirrel, food, hump, hump, food, food, shit.

8. Everybody take a minute to really think about how you could be annoying to other people. Think about things. Take yourself out of you. Look down on yourself. You’re probably annoying. 

Is this supposed to be a hint?

9. Black holes. In general. 

10. People changing their vocabulary. Like how I use the word “maggot” a lot lately. 

On that note, I’m out.

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One Response to “My Husband’s Blog Ideas”

  1. Patricia Donovan January 15, 2014 at 2:55 am #

    Love it Molly, now on to how his friends think, or maybe SOME of what they talk about when they think your not listening to them. LMAO

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