Woman Child?

16 Jan


Anyone else have the inability to use the phonetic alphabet for it’s intended use, even for a 4 letter word, without completely fucking shit up? As a 26 year old chick who isn’t a deadbeat, I have a job. I won’t toot my own horn or anything, but it’s one of those jobs during which you have to use a phone sometimes. Unreal, I know, but those who have to make at least six one minute phone calls during their day KNOW how draining it can be to make small talk with someone from the South or anywhere else in the country. And sometimes I have to read off people’s information, and words and other stuff. I try desperately not to use the phonetic alphabet, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. Kind’ve as unavoidable as simple math. But anyways, you know you are doomed when the person on the other end of the line uses the phonetic alphabet themselves or questions you as you are spelling something out (“Sorry, did you say M-O- or N-O?”). It’s like they are challenging you, and a little competition can be good for the soul (or irreversibly damaging). The problem is, I can NEVER think of normal, typical, words to get my point across on the spot. For example, if I needed to spell out my maiden name, this is how I would do it using the phonetic alphabet:

M as in Megatron, C as in crack cocaine, K as in kamikaze, E as in endoplasmic reticulum, N as in Nantucket Nectar, N as in narcolepsy, A as in asinine. 

And if I had to spell out my middle name I would say

E as in Elizabeth Smart, L as in lurch, I as in it, Z as in Zesty sauce, A as in acrobatics, B as in Bangerz (Miley’s new album, duh), E as in entity, T as in Tallulah Willis, H as in hotdog.

And I always get excited after the last word because I made it through the phonetic alphabet, so I will throw the word “BOOM!” in as though it is an exclamation point. As though I will win something for making it to the end. But usually the only thing I “win” is dead silence on the other end of the phone.

To be honest though, my struggle is real and whenever I hear others rattle off their phonetic bullshit with ease, I cross them off my list as a potential friend. Someone who doesn’t know the struggle, probably has no character. Something I am especially not impressed with is when someone uses all names in the phonetic alphabet. Like, challenge yourself. Idiot.

But I mean, show me some beginner to intermediate accounting and I will master that shit in 6 months to a year.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: