Marriage (So Far)

23 Jan

Everyone keeps asking me “How’s married life?” and I can’t say I blame them. That’s polite small talk people make with newlyweds. Kind’ve like when I run into a chick I know and she happens to be pregnant (on purpose…weird) and I ask “How are you feeling?” “Boy or girl?” “When are you due?” blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The awkward teenager in me really detests small talk, but I suppose it would be crappy to just walk quickly away upon making eye contact with someone I know. (Side note – since blogging about my disdain for small talk, I sometimes run into people and they say “Well, I won’t keep you, I know how much you hate small talk, ha ha!”, and I’m like “Nah, I joke around!”. But it’s really been my saving grace.)

So anyways, I am going to blog the answer to the question that friendly acquaintances have been asking me since the day I got home from the honeymoon. Ahem:

How’s married life?!

Good! I used all my socks and don’t feel like doing my laundry so right now I’m currently wearing mismatched men’s socks. I think they are Fila. Also, I found a new recipe online for something called “cheeseburger pie”. It’s basically a cheeseburger in pie form, only the crust is made from Bisquick. It takes 20 minutes to make and men love most things cheeseburger. You can also make it in taco form. Oh, AND I now have 3 bank accounts: checking, savings, and wedding money that I can’t touch until 2054 – that’s the year we calculated that we will be able to afford a house that’s not a dump in the city or a mansion in East Bum Shit. Unfortunately, we have run out of shows to watch since Breaking Bad ended so in our free time we watch HGTV, Dateline, and documentaries about space. We anticipate that Valentine’s Day will be ultra romantic because House of Cards on Netflix starts back up and life without binging on Kevin Spacey has been pretty mundane.

Last Saturday Ryan didn’t get overtime for the first time in weeks, so we decided to carpe diem the fuck up. I suggested we go antiquing, something I randomly started getting urges to do right after getting engaged (coincidence?). He threw a compromise out there and all I heard were the words “Ikea” and “Home Goods”. Not exactly the same thing as antiquing, so once we were in the car I headed toward Cohasset Antique Emporium anyways and hoped he wouldn’t notice that 3A was the wrong route to get to Stoughton. We went to all three stores and got a new rug for the living room because I want to add blue and yellow into our lives. I win. Actually, I don’t win, because when we were at Home Goods picking out new throw pillows, my mom called me to mock the fact that while I was shopping for decorative pillows on a Saturday, she was drinking a Mai Tai. Then she hung up and I went home and started drinking before noticing that one of the throw pillows has a tear in it. Lately I feel like my mom and I are in a Freaky Friday sequel.

Our current married projects include: not recycling, eating breakfast for dinner whilst suggesting that we need to eat more salads, filling our storage unit with really nice, shiny, kitchen stuff that we don’t have room in our cabinets for, trying to incorporate all the asparagus in our meals for the week so the bunch doesn’t go bad, changing our bedtime to 9:30pm, attempting to understand our steam mop on a higher level (is it really more effective than a regular mop? Probably not.), paying off my credit card, and teaching Boba Fett (our bird) to say anything more than “Hi Boba!”.

Maybe this sounds boring, but I love my boring new life with my husband and think it’s pretty wonderful to have someone who I have fun being bored with. Can’t wait to get old and ugly with him. Wait, what?!grow-old-anniversary-ecard-someecards


2 Responses to “Marriage (So Far)”

  1. Alison January 23, 2014 at 10:41 pm #

    I love that someecard…

  2. jules524juli January 24, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

    i’m not even married yet but my life with my fiance sounds eerily similar to yours. especially the eating breakfast for dinner while suggesting we eat more salads, although we’d be eating culinary circle frozen pizzas instead. cc pizzas are the bomb if you’re looking for an inexpensive and quick dinner option, especially if you don’t give 2 craps about cholesterol.

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