Advertisements

A Geographical Comparative Study on the Culture of the Man Child.

1 Feb

The hilariously observant Liz Gribaudo (a Quincy girl to my own heart) sent me the most epic rant on the differences between Quincy man children, and Austin man children (where she currently resides). I needed more than just a paragraph, so I had to ask her to finish so I could share it with you. Here is Liz’s guest blog, enjoy!

manchild

Man Children

I have been asked by the lovely Molly Kyle to elaborate on the Austin Man Child versus the Quincy Man Child, and I am wicked happy to oblige her! Like I’ve said before, when I moved from the Northeast to the Southwest, I was excited for new changes, experiences, and people. (You know the usual clichés you are supposed to tell people when they asked why you moved and you really don’t know the answer). And many things here in Austin are exciting- the breakfast taco is mind-blowing and I feel that we Quincy kids have missed out on an extraordinary breakfast all these years. (No offense, Pop-Tarts and Eggos). Unlike Quincy, Austin bars have a Happy Hour seemingly every hour! (Texas Tuesday at one of my favorite bars, for example, offers all local Texas beers for 2 bucks)! Typically, Austin weather is between 60-nearly 80 degrees in the winter, which is awesome. But what both cities can proudly say they are home to is Man Children. Ugh. I thought for sure when I made this move I was gonna be able to kick my addiction to the Man Child and get a “real” boyfriend, but it turns out, they live here too. Although they are a different species, the Austin Man Child is really no different than their Northern relatives, the Quincy Man Child. So here is my expert analysis. (I have a B.A. in Sociology, which is basically the study of nothing, so we will just say that’s my credential, along with yearrrrs of experience dating or FWB’ing with Man Children).

Appearance

Now I’m not one to judge, since I get to wear my lulu lemon’s and Nike’s to work every day, but at least I attempt to put a brush through my hair and a face on! Working with the Austin Man Child has given me some insight into their style, which is they don’t have any. NONE. I’m talking skinny jeans with Bill Cosby sweaters, flannels that look like they were taken off of Kurt Cobain’s corpse, and “biking” shoes. (Picture those horrific glove-like things that people wear on their feet but somehow worse). These Man Children make an effort to look like they’ve never seen a shower, washer or dryer, or an iron. At least Quincy guys keep their closets full of ridiculously expensive jerseys and Marshall’s Polo gear clean, ironed, and ready to impress when they’re gonna be seen at S6 on a Thursday night! (Although I could seriously do without the basketball jersey layered over a t-shirt look. Ew). Point: Quincy Man Child.

Living Arrangements

This is a tough one. We all know that Man Children can be reformed, at least enough to have families and hold gainful employment. This is evident based on my research of my Facebook Newsfeed. I scroll though and see a Quincy Man Child holding an infant/child and think, “Well that’s great, he had a baby!” Upon further investigation , I have discovered that in many instances, Quincy Man Children have managed to get married and have kids with the same girl (usually), have bought houses (in Quincy or Braintree, natch), and are working full-time. (But don’t let that fool you; they make plenty of time to rage at the Hancock Tavern during sports season, so always). Unfortunately, I can’t get past the fact that many of them lived in their parents’ basements until they were 35, and even though they had a separate entrance in the form of a bulkhead, I can’t consider it a separate living space. For the Austin Man Child, living in your mother’s basement isn’t a possibility, because no one has basements in Texas. (Limestone). So they basically have no choice but to move out before 30 if they ever wanna get laid. I, for one would much rather do the walk of shame through a frat house of five 30-somethings than through the kitchen of a family I’ve known for years during Sunday breakfast. Even though it’s kind of a technicality, the Point: Austin Man Child.

Transportation

The Quincy Man Child is a proud breed when it comes to their cars. Whether it’s a Cadillac that they have detailed every week or a completely unnecessarily huge pick-up truck that wows at Patriots tailgates but that’s about it, they are in it to win it with their prized automobiles. Austin Man Children, on the other hand, love their bikes. And no, unfortunately I’m not referring to motorcycles. I’m talking bicycles. Now I have no problem with people who want to bike for exercise or pleasure or whatever, but when you decide that a bicycle is going to be your main mode of transportation, let’s just say, I can’t even. For some reason, seeing a bunch of 30+ year old men just cruising on their bicycles to work or a bunch of bikes locked up in front a bar both horrifies and amazes me. Not to mention that they feel the need to accessorize their geeky bike look with messenger bags, helmets, shoes, locks, and gloves. Sorry, but I’d much rather have a guy pick me up in his obnoxious and unnecessary whip than offer to “peg me” a ride to the bar after work. This is a no-brainer. Point: Quincy Man Child

Employment

Oh, this is my favorite topic in regards to Man Children.  I am in no way knocking any job; in fact I’ve worked many different types of jobs over the years. It’s more the attitude that some of these Man Children have when it comes to their jobs.  When it comes to employment for the Quincy Man Child, they are creatures of habit. Many worked a summer job at the Quincy DPW that turned into a full-time career. Others are more scholarly, choosing to go back to the high school they attended as Man Children versions of their high school selves, coaching football and teaching history. Still others have gone the military route, with the dream of someday getting onto the Quincy Police or Fire Departments. Any of these career choices are admirable and I feel like high-fiving every Quincy Man Child who has made these choices. What I have absolutely NO use for are the “Industry” types of Man Children who reside in Austin. Gross. I can’t even. They think that because they work at some busy neighborhood bar that they are God’s gift to women. Sorry, startender, you are a beertender at best who wouldn’t last 30 seconds in a Quincy or Boston bar. Hit the bricks, kid. I can’t stand their pretentious attitudes and how they walk around with this Austin bartender swagger. Um, 98% of you suck at your job and wouldn’t know a sense of urgency if it bit it in your weird, hipster ass. And newsflash, you work for tips, act like it! I did the same thing as you for 12 years of my life and you don’t hear me bragging about it! SORRY ‘Bout yaaaaa!

But I digress. For the point and win, Quincy Man Child.

-Liz Gribaudo

Advertisements

One Response to “A Geographical Comparative Study on the Culture of the Man Child.”

  1. William Tells ALL February 1, 2014 at 5:51 pm #

    Re the Quincy Man Child for the win, I always thought winning went to the more capable, talented or otherwise better . . .

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: