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Lifetime Presents: When Creeping Crosses The Line.

1 Feb

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Was out with girlfriends last night, and we started talking about guys who are forever creeping on females over some form of technology. We laughed and reminisced about creeps of years past, exchanged creepiness over pitchers of draft beers. That’s right men: girls are going out for ladies’ night, and we are showing each other your texts/snapchats/Facebook messages from 2am, and we are ALL laughing. Will that make you STOP?!

Horrifyingly enough, one of my friends showed me the above Facebook messages that she has been getting semi annually from some dude Michael, whom she doesn’t know, and isn’t Facebook friends with. Guy has been creeping on her since 2011. She has responded once with a “Do I know you?” call out, and it’s like, instead of being humiliated about the levelness of creepy, he LOVES that she even acknowledged his existence and keeps it up for another 2 years! What.the.FUCK!? I was honestly scared for my friend after reading those messages. This clown Michael has been creeping on her steadily for 3 years year with no incentive. This kind of relentlessness is reserved for a Lifetime Original. I am kind’ve concerned for her safety at this point. He’s probably in her bushes as I type. Has Michael made it his goal to make a 26 year old girl carry mace? Probably.It’s safe to say that Ted Bundy is Michael’s spirit guide. My friend has never had Tinder, so clearly Michael has conversation starters that he is trying out. The scariest part is, most normal/harmless creeping occurs after last call on a weekend. Michael creeps at nine-thirty in the morning. Three in the afternoon. Who creeps during tea time? Michael does.tedbundy

So what’s up? Why are guys doing this? Don’t they know the boundaries? Because if not, here they are:

1. Never, ever, send an unsolicited snap chat of yourself without pants on. Especially if you are in a bathroom. If a girl doesn’t give you the signal that she wants a snap sans pants, don’t do it. Unless you want her to show all of her friends. Because she IS showing all of her friends. I promise.

2. Stop Poking: A friend of mine gets poked on Facebook consistently by a guy who openly has a serious girlfriend. You know what it means when you poke a girl on Facebook? It means that you want to penetrate her. I apologize for the bluntness, but she knows it, you know, we all know it. If my husband poked another girl on Facebook, I would divorce him, because it means there is a scandal on the horizon. I’m being so serious, you guys. Virtual poking leads to penetration. Or at least attempting penetration, because most girls you poke just think you’re a creep.

3. Facebook messaging after midnight = creeping. Period. Do you realize that 100% of the time that you message a random girl after midnight, that girl (and 27 of her closest girlfriends) are lead to believe that you are a creep? 10 out of 10 girls would agree that you need to go the fuck to bed.

4. One word responses mean that a girl is creeped out. Are you spitting game only to get a consistently short/one word response? Well, maybe you’re not spitting game. Maybe you are being a CREEP. One word responses are the polite way of telling you to pound sand.

So those are the general rules. Let’s try to abide by them so that we can all sleep a little better at night. Women won’t be skeeved, and men won’t wake up in the morning with regret. Let’s cut the creeping once and for all, you guys. LifetimeLogo

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