Social Media Snow Dummies

4 Feb

All this snow and a lack of power outages (props to National Grid for the first time EVER) this season have inevitably had me logging onto social media more in the last couple of weeks. And per any kind of happening that occurs, people suck. When I moved into my new town, I joined a few groups on Facebook that I thought might give me some useful information on things like trash pick-up schedules, cool places to get drunk, what is the coffee flavor of the month at whatever local coffee shop, who in the village is wanted for treason, and which 7-11’s are open during traffic bans. The usual. Hint: any group that has the word “everything” in it are those groups I am talking about. What was I shown? Well, first I witnessed a woman getting her head ripped off (virtually, calm down) by 154 commenters for casually mentioning that a Chinese food place was opening during the storm, and to come by and wet your whistle. The result? Mob of commenters with metaphorical pitchforks screaming, “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU REQUESTING THAT PEOPLE DRINK AND DRIVE YA DUMB BITCH!”. Woah. Way to attack the sole provider of scorpion bowls in the county, dummy!

Another big concern is “WHY HAS MY STREET ONLY BEEN PLOWED ONCE IN 2 HOURS?!” Um, I don’t know. Maybe because plow drivers focus more on main roads during a historic blizzard, and don’t make it a concern to go 90 an hour at 1am as to get to your fucking dead end terrace in a timely manner.

Don’t forget the old “THE FACT THAT SCHOOL IS CLOSED AGAIN IS A GODDAMN JOKE. BACK IN THE DAY WE WALKED TO SCHOOL NO MATTER WHAT THE FORECAST WAS”. Shut up. If you walked somewhere while 2 feet of snow was being dumped on the ground, you’re an idiot.

Let’s not forget the people that post bizarre family drama to add a little excitement while they are snowed in. “THIS HOAR WROTE SUMTHIN ON THE PAGE ABOUT MY SISTER. THATS MY FAMILY AND IT’S DISRESPECTFUL” (sic – most of the entire sentence sic as shit). Usually these posters are named “Nikki” and use their middle names as their last names on Facebook. Okay, Nikki Lynn posts can be entertaining, and I have to admit we need them on the internet. It’s the people who are reporting the inappropriateness to the page administrators that are worse anyways. “ADMIN: I HOPE YOU WILL DELETE THE VULGAR POST THAT SOMEONE PUT ON HERE. IF NOT, I’LL LEAVE THIS PAGE. WHO IS MONITORING THIS? IT’S BEEN UP FOR 12 MINUTES NOW! DISGUSTING!”. Do you think that Facebook page administrators don’t have jobs, or lives? Do you think they get paid to monitor the internet activity of local cyber degenerates posting revenge nudes of their ex on the page they run? No. They have these pages as a hobby and sort through the bad stuff as they can.  Stop.

Molly has left the group.



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