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Cure for Cabin Fever

15 Feb

If you live in New England, you are probably sick and tired of being snowed in for the past 38 days. And if you’re like me, you’re starting to get a little delusional and kind of weird and maybe your hair looks crazy and you’ve been wearing the same yoga pants for 3 days but you can’t wash them because you have an irrational fear of the dryer making the house blow up despite having cleaned out the vent 17 times. The thought of watching one more Netflix TV documentary about black holes makes you feel a little bit Sylvia Plath-ish because your life is currently a black hole…except its white and cold and there is frozen dog poop in it that has been missing since December. Also, maybe you smell. Yeah, dude, you smell.

But you don’t HAVE to feel like this. Because I have a cure.

Get drunk. Right now. I know it’s not even noon yet. But as long as you eat an egg sunny side up with your beverages and refer to this activity as “brunch”, it’s perfectly acceptable to just have at it. Good thing you panicked and bought 4 cartons of eggs, that means you can brunch all day long, so long as you’re eating those eggs. You have to eat the eggs to avoid acquiring any labels during the storm (e.g.: no-good drunk, dumb slut, “she has a real problem with just having one”, whore-lush, etc.). You can also get drunk to a theme by breaking out the saxophone you played in 4th grade and turning your little “brunch” into a “jazz brunch”. If you don’t have a saxophone, you can easily turn an empty bottle of Prosecco into a wind instrument.

There are really no cons to getting drunk right now because it either makes shoveling kind of funny or it excuses you from shoveling all together. Turn it into a game by doing ice luge shots off your ice dams since your gutters are probably falling down right about now. Ha ha! Isn’t that funny?!

Good luck! And remember to shower. Because you smell.

Note: If you are someone who is sober, you can always play the Sims and make your Sim get drunk.sims

cuckoothe-shining-movie-dog-suit-mask-sex

shelley

donnieFatal

kathy

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