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Things We Love: Facebook Yard Sales

17 Feb

I don’t know about you, but I find Facebook Yard Sale pages to be a social media phenomenon like no other. Local people buying or selling shit to other locals. Not a bad idea for people who want to sell something reasonable, like a coffee table that can be refurbished with a little elbow grease and paint, a working TV, Duck Hunt, anything that has a box and has been used no more than one time. But what makes Yard Sale pages special isn’t the understandable stuff people are selling. It’s all of the people who sell the weirdest crap that make Yard Sale pages awesome. Just last week someone was selling some gently used horns from King Richard’s Faire for $10 from last Summer or something. Like horns that you wear on your head.

faire

First of all…what? Second of all, can I purchase one of those plastic trumpets from a shopping cart vendor at a parade and sell it on a Yard Sale page for a discount of $3 a year later? Because that’s pretty much the same thing. Or what about the souvenir cup that my booze came in when I went to see Wicked on Broadway 4 years ago? I’d say it’s in fair condition, the “W” in “Wicked” is peeling off slightly, but you can still use the cup for it’s intended purpose: you can pour liquid into it and drink from it. Maybe water your cactus with it. Whatever you do with cups, you can do with my Wicked souvenir cup. It cost me like $15 probably, so I’m willing to part with it for $4. I can even pour Bud Light into the cup for free. Although, you can’t utilize it for road sodas unless you use caution because the original cap and straw that it came with are lost.

wicked

trumpet

It makes me kind of sad that people go the lengths they do to take a picture of  and sell items like King Richard’s Faire horns, broken Coach wristlets from the 2003 catalog, half a bottle of Moonlight Path body lotion from Bath & Body works, a shovel that “just needs a handle!”, a BOGO deal on Beanie Babies – buy Waddles full price and get Bongo for free!, a 2011 4th of July tank top from Old Navy only worn once on 4th of July in 2011, a hamster wheel, a knock off North Face, or anything used Vera Bradley. It makes me sad not because I feel bad that some people really need between $5 and $10 to the point that they’ll meet up with a stranger in a Kmart parking lot to sell four already opened bottles of OPI. Nope. It makes me sad because these people don’t realize what trash is. No one in their life has told them that a quarter bottle of Jergens self-tanner from two years ago is garbage. Just throw the shit out. Save the money on the gas. Save the money on the time spent posting to the page (time is money, guys!!!). Maybe save your own life by not arranging a rendezvous with Jeffrey Dahmer to exchange cash for junk. Take it as a loss and realize that you can’t ask someone to buy your broken birdcage and tell them that with some TLC it can be used as a funky/modern bookshelf. It just can’t be done.

The problem is that Pinterest is giving everyone a false sense of confidence when it comes to upcycled shit. Forget the idea that you can get rich off of virtual Yard Sales and turn to the trash can for your problems. You might not get money out of it, unless you recycle. But at least you’ll declutter your life and my newsfeed. On second thought, throw nothing out. Keep posting it. I need your Yard Sale in my life.

cage

bongo

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One Response to “Things We Love: Facebook Yard Sales”

  1. BabyMartin2015 February 19, 2015 at 11:06 pm #

    I totally agree with this post! Don’t get me wrong I frequent these pages to try to find things I would describe as “normally being in a thrift store” but some people are ridiculous in what they are trying to sell! I saw one where a girl was selling a “gently used” eye shadow compact thing… It was like 75% used.. Really?! Who’s gonna buy that?! Why waste your time even taking pics and uploading?! 💁🙈

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