Eminem’s Daughter is L-I-V-I-N

18 Mar

Has anyone ever noticed that every single year for the past 4 years or so, an article comes out from whatever website telling us that we should feel old because Eminem’s daughter Hailie is growing up? It was meh the first time. About as intriguing as the first time I saw the link to see what the chick from the cover of Enema of the State looks like now (scary, Google it and you will forever say no to meth). You click the link to see if Hailie or the meth-head are prettier or uglier than they were a decade ago, then it’s done with. I don’t need the annual updates that someone who is clinically not dead is aging. Yup, weird to think of Hailie not being an infant out for a joy ride in the backseat of her dad’s car with her dead mother in the trunk. And yeah, okay, kind of trippy seeing a picture of her in her cap and gown, standing next to her mom (who Eminem told me via ill lyric was DEAD!). SO good to see that Hailie is not in a heroin den just outside of 8 Mile Road. But now, every single year I see a new viral article “Eminem’s daughter crowned homecoming queen will make you feel old!” and “Eminem’s daughter’s all grown up in Twitter photo!”. At this point the article is so redundant that it is actually having a reverse effect and making time go by slower. Like, I feel like we are all in this time warp countdown just waiting for Eminem’s daughter to die of old age. I also am beginning to feel like people are deliberately going out of their way to ignore Eminem’s public plea to leave him and his daughter alone…

Exhibit A:

But at least have the decency in you To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out In the streets when I’m eatin’ or feedin’ my daughter To not come and speak to me

I think that can be modified to Em’s current situation of leaving his family the fuck alone when they are graduating with honors. Maybe he just can’t think of something that rhymes with Summa Cum Laude or repetitive viral article or Buzzfeed news? Anyways, don’t tell me when to feel old, media outlets! People who are alive do tend to grow older! I’ll feel old when I’m dead. Or during my next two day hangover. Either or. emine_8442 Image from


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