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The Child Isn’t Even Fully Developed & I’m Already Being Judged

20 Jan

I have always known that there are some craaaaazy judgy moms out there, and to them I must say this: YOU’RE THE WORST. My fetus isn’t even fully formed and I am already being judged. I am just shocked (no I’m not) that it’s happening pre-birth. I don’t care about anyone but myself so I really can’t fathom why anyone cares about me or my human creation whose farts can’t even be heard yet because they die in my uterus. Like, do people really care what other people do? I thought this was the 90’s (I’m still living in 1997)! When can we just say and do what we want?!

So, the other day I wrote a post about pregnancy being sometimes boring. I expected Facebook commenters to bitch me out, because that’s what would happen even if I wrote a blog on basket weaving (I have never weaved a basket), but I didn’t expect an attack from some randoms on my personal Facebook page because of a post that literally said, “I reactivated my blog because pregnancy is boring”. Some asshole mom from Vermont (it’s important to me that you know she is from Vermont) took offense to this and wrote a paragraph underneath my status and for some reason related my pregnancy boredom to boredom from sobriety. Her moron friend chimes in that she knows moms who have fun while sober (well, I would hope so). Told me I can have fun without wine (thanks, I was 14 once). I have zero idea why sobriety was brought up, other than me saying “I MISS BEERS” on Facebook once in awhile. Because, well, yeah, pregnancy CAN BE boring (for me). Watching other people drink CAN BE boring (for me). That doesn’t mean I completely hate being pregnant, and even if it did, there is nothing wrong with that. Some people can be grateful to be pregnant but also dislike it’s symptoms and what comes along with sharing your body with an alien being.

Naturally, I private messaged this girl to ask her, “what the fuck?”, because I was genuinely confused at how I could have offended her, and her response was even more polarizing on a female to female basis. She replied that she never felt the need to complain during her pregnancy because she CHOSE to have sex and she CHOSE to keep the baby and there are babies with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome so it’s not funny to even joke about wanting wine. She even juggled pregnancy with being the Maid of Honor in TWO weddings. She used the “MOH” acronym for “maid of honor” like she was the founder of Cosmo magazine or something. She concluded her response with her well wishes for me to mature before labor. Well, okay Mrs. Hot Shit MOH Mom of America, where do I submit my recommendation to have you become the first female pope?

I happen to think that people who don’t complain in life are ticking time bombs/probable sociopaths. I mean, what kind of psycho isn’t afraid to tell a hormonal person who has had ZERO pino since September 10th that she shouldn’t complain because it was her choice to have sex?! I reckon if I said that out loud to anyone, I would have to stick my dumb head in a lit oven. THE WORST. I understand there is a max limit to complaining, but overall, complaining is something I condone. It’s the reason we have friends in this agitating life. The one rule to complaining is that unless you have Ebola, you can only complain in a serious manner once a day. Complaining in a non-funny manner more than once a day turns into bitching and no one wants to hear your bitching.

Seriously, do people REALLY care about how other people feel about pregnancy unless you’re commiserating about it with a friend?! Because while I have been pregnant, and not pregnant, there is nothing I could care less about. I care more about basket weaving than whether or not anyone finds pregnancy boring. I would rather write a paragraph on basket weaving under someone’s status than a paragraph being a judgmental butthole. I mean it.

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4 Responses to “The Child Isn’t Even Fully Developed & I’m Already Being Judged”

  1. Delores January 20, 2017 at 6:26 am #

    I want to weave that MOH a casket, I mean basket, and send her down the Nile!

  2. Felicia January 20, 2017 at 2:48 pm #

    I feel like most people who boast about how awesome, in control, and great parents they are, are actually insecure and trying to prove themselves to others. It’s actually been studied that parents who overly post on social media about kids/parenting, are actually insecure that they’re doing it right. Complain all you want, this is YOUR time, do it however you want. Its all about YOU. Pregnancy can definitely be boring and excluding while being a miracle at the same time.

  3. Felicia January 20, 2017 at 2:50 pm #

    Also this Vermontian will never be a part of your life, so her efforts are just comical

  4. Christine January 21, 2017 at 4:23 am #

    Ugh! Pregnancy is long…and then the last month flies by! I get the boring part! Sounds like she has some emotional stuff or life event(knows someone who DID drink through pregnancy??) that SHE is hung up on, which also is completely separate from you and your life. I would love to say it gets better, but…nope! I once had this mom who wouldn’t leave the doctors office waiting room tell me that her son is soooo smart because she’s a stay at home mom(this was just after I told her I work. I refrained from the snarky comment in my head.😕

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