Every Boy’s Favorite Toy

24 Jan


From the moment that your parents find out you have male genitalia, they are faced with making a monumental decision! One that is permanent and lifelong. Circumcision. To do or not to do, that is the question, but what is the answer? As a parent, you can’t take this lightly. Many thoughts go through your brain. Ex: “Circumcision reduces the chance of STIs. Hmm, well I don’t even want to think about my newborn child one day having sex but I guess I don’t really want him to have a higher chance of catching something either. Circumcision reduces feeling. I don’t want to be responsible for my child’s sex life blahhh. If you don’t place the foreskin back after cleaning the smegma out, you could cut off circulation. Horrifying. Circumcision is a cosmetic procedure that could get botched and their penis could be permanently damaged. Shit. Oh and they could bleed to death. Great, no pressure.” Then you’ve got people going around with red paint on their crotches that make you feel shitty about possibly considering circumcision. Lots of googling and discussions, but at the end of the day, you just hope you made the right call.

Image courtesy of

Image courtesy of

As a 21 year old, inexperienced mother, I had no idea what to do with a boy. Although untrained, the one thing I had heard religiously was to make sure you cover them with something during a diaper change. Stores sell pee shields for this exact purpose. Ofcourse, the first diaper change home from the hospital, I made a rookie mistake. I’m taking out the wipes, my son starts screaming, and I say “It’s ok” in a soothing mom voice while hurriedly opening the new diaper. I look up and the poor kid is urinating directly into his face. I had to make a split second decision. Do I A. Block the pee with my hand (pee hands) B. Aim the penis into a different direction (spraying pee around the room)or B. Block the pee with the clean diaper I’m holding (ruining a perfectly good diaper)? I chose A. As a parent, you find out that you can catch all types of bodily fluids in your hands. After becoming a bit more seasoned in the art of parenting, I’ve found wipes work wonderfully to intercept vomit, feces and urine.

Another thing I had no clue about…baby boners. After overcoming the shock and strangeness, (again I was 21) it actually became a great indication that the boys were about to urinate. When my kids have asked me “Why is my doopy big right now”, (they know it’s called a penis but they also call it a doopy) I tell them they need to go pee.

Around 4-6 months, boys will inevitably reach down during a bath or diaper change and discover their penis. Once they do, there’s no stopping them. To clarify so you guys don’t think I’m a huge creep, I do not mean inappropriately touching themselves. I mean they just like to hold it. Maybe they are just checking to make sure it’s still there, who knows. Which is a problem when they are younger during poopy diaper changes ( if you aren’t quick, they get a handful of feces) and an embarrassment when they are older and can’t keep their hands off of it in public (picture the outfield of a t-ball game). My oldest once told me that he just needs to separate his doopy from his rocks (penis from the testicles).

From what I’ve seen with adults, this never changes. Whether men are playing pocket pool in public or going at it full monty in the privacy of their own home, try not to judge them. It’s something that has been very important to them since infancy.

This is not meant to offend anyone. I’m half joking, half serious!


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