Tag Archives: stressed moms

You’ll Understand When You Have Kids One Day

27 Jan

“You’ll understand when you have kids one day”: A phrase that as a female with no kids (well, until May), has made me cringe deeply for most of my 20’s. At least since women I know started getting pregnant on purpose. I think that the only time it is acceptable to say this to another female is when you are saying it to your own child in response to, “but why, Mom?!”. A follow up to telling your kid “NO”, basically. Otherwise, what else are you trying to say? Any other time that I have heard a woman say this to someone, even in a light situation, it is just condescending bullshit meant to imply that what she is doing as a mother is more important than what a childless woman is doing. Or that the childless woman couldn’t possibly understand, because she doesn’t have children. Don’t get me wrong, there are some things I feel I shouldn’t speak on because my child is still cozy in the uterus where there is no peer pressure or meth, but that doesn’t mean I’m a complete moron either. Sounds harsh, and by no means am I negating the significance of being a mother, we don’t need to debate whether being a parent is a tough job, but think about it any time you have heard someone say it and give me any example of when it wasn’t even just mildly passive aggressive in a good-natured way.

I won’t get into the fact that some women have fertility issues, as I want to keep this light. But I do want to express my reasoning for being annoyed with this ridiculous statement we sometimes hear. For one thing, although I am kidless, I have been around kids enough to know that they are tiring. Have you ever played Barbies and gotten ANY say in the story line?! It’s exhausting to play make-believe with zero input while sober. I’d play with my niece when she was much smaller and I was always the Wicked Witch Barbie who was trying to steal Malibu Barbie’s husband by forcing her to dress like a slob (that wasn’t exactly what my niece verbalized to me, but that was the take-away as for why I was always the single one with mismatched heels). Or my personal favorite story line, “Make The Witch knock on the door to Barbie’s camper, then run away to your cave!”. For each time we repeated the scene, I took a year off the age I would get my tubes tied, until I was in the negative. Raising kids ain’t easy, no doubt about it. And I’m only talking about the Barbie age! Nevermind the high school, in some cases middle school, years when drugs and handies are introduced!

So yeah, I get it. I just spent a paragraph trying to convey how difficult it is for me to even play Barbies with a kid for 45 minutes, let alone every fucking day until they grow out of the Barbie stage. But just because one bitch is playing the most boring game of Barbies with Fruit Loops in her hair and a mountain of laundry to tackle, doesn’t mean we don’t have another bitch getting reamed with impossible deadlines at a stressful job day-in and day-out, who gets stuck on the T for an hour on the way home to make the day that much more aggrivating. I mean, we even have some crazy bitches who do both, the mom’ing and working (that will be my sorry ass in August – great!). But having been the tired working female who has worked hard to create a life she wanted for herself BEFORE having children, SHUT. UP. Part of adulting is being tired, with kids or not. Unless you’re rich. And even then the least of your problems is dodging a prescription drug situash, which is a pretty bad problem!

One thing I love is complaining. And I hate when people try to take my complaint card away. That is EXACTLY what is going on when women say that I will understand when I have kids some day. That statement is a direct attack on my right to complain. Just because you’re tired from being a mom, doesn’t mean I’m not tired. And while we are on the subject, just because you’re older than me doesn’t mean I’m not tired. You just tire more easily (kidding, I tire pretty easily for being under 30), but I digress. For real, just because you love something that you made in your own belly a whole lot (I admit now, it’s impressive), doesn’t mean that us kidless Wicked Witches are out there living unfulfilling, unimportant lives. Think before you say it, and if saying it is your way of venting away your misery, then add it to the Barbie storyline. Just don’t expect a Malibu Barbie role.

Me. Image courtesy of

Me. Image courtesy of


To Multitask, or Tantrum? That is the Question

26 Jan
There are days when I feel like I’m rocking this whole life thing (far and few between). Then there are days (most of them) where I feel like a complete failure. What I’ve determined is that I’ll never be very good at anything because at the end of the day, each category of my life is getting about 10% effort. If I try and give more than that to any one thing, the other parts of my life decompose faster than a body in 100+ degree weather! I go to bed at night and in my head, just shit on myself for all the things I didn’t get done that day and how hopefully tomorrow will be better.  Motivational, I know.

Here’s an example: If I go to work, it’s a solid 13-14 hours on my feet and out of the house. I love my job but when I’m there, I am not doing the laundry, dishes, toy clean-up, etc. These stupid, mundane tasks need to be done constantly or your house looks like a tornado hit it. When I get home after midnight, and I’ve been up since 7am going hard all day long and the house is trashed, I want to cry. I am not a crier, so I don’t. Instead I get pissed off. I want to throw myself onto the floor and have a tantrum that would put my 3 year old to shame (I don’t do that either). Instead, I shower and in my mind, begin to prioritize what I will have to do the next day.

I have been exercising lately. Basically I said to myself screw it, I want out of this rat race of cleaning. It’s never going to be clean anyways and I’m sick of neglecting myself. Bad idea, now the house is worse than ever because I have been taking a lousy hour that I could be cleaning and devoting it to exercise.

If I ever decide to put in more time with the kids, a fun night at Chuck E Cheese perhaps, you guessed it, the stupid dishes are there mocking me when I get home. Not to mention, baths, showers, new clothes and now more LAUNDRY! While I’m typing this, I’m nursing my 1 year old (I’m done but apparently he’s not). I have to utilize my time to increase productivity but no matter how many ways I try and be more efficient, I’m still behind. I don’t even watch tv. The last movie I watched was at least 2 weeks ago.

And I can’t stand that crap online where people try to put things into perspective: “If you have dirty dishes at night, that means you’re eating food”. Bullshit. How about let me just wallow in self pity for 5 minutes while I try and think of a scenario in which I would be able to give 100% to any one thing, where the rest of my life doesn’t fall to pieces. What I’d really like to know is what people with out any children do with all of their time. I’m genuinely curious about all the wonderful life fulfilling amazing things they have time for while I’m over here scrubbing urine soaked toilets for the 900th time.  I’ve made my bed and now I’m stuck in the twilight zone (that’s the saying right?).

Note from Molly:

To answer your question, Deanna…here is what childless people do: basically whatever we want. My favorite thing to do on a weeknight is try out a new recipe, wait until exactly 7pm to guiltlessly uncork a bottle of red, then live-tweet anything on Bravo. While I am trolling whoever my least favorite Real Housewife is of the moment, I’ll also crack into some multigrain tortilla chips and fresh salsa. On weekends I enjoy going to dinner with a variety of friends that bring funny conversation to the table…but not TOO many funny friends because you can’t have people talking over each other. You need to catch it all. The goal is to get a nice buzz and not fake-laugh. You want the real laugh or you might as well stay home and live-tweet Dateline (there is nothing wrong with that). We also enjoy:

  • Brunching on Sundays, switching over to Bud Lights at 1pm
  • Going on hikes and quitting halfway through
  • Picking up an arts and crafts hobby and quitting before we get remotely good at it
  • Reading the comments sections of anything on the internet
  • Checking on Amanda Bynes semi-annually
  • Purchasing kimonos at Five Below, then complaining about the quality

God, why am I giving it all up?

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